Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card

Later, in the hallway, Amy is standing and staring morosely into the trophy case when Buffy walks up wearing a fugly black-and-white geometrically patterned Rampage top with her hair up in an chignon. Who does that to their hair in high school? Amy tells Buffy that the picture of the cheerleader is her mom, Catherine. We learn that Amy's mom and dad were homecoming king and queen and got married right after high school. Buffy pronounces this "romantic," while I suppress a shudder. Amy goes on to tell Buffy that her dad left her mom when Amy was twelve and it's just been the two of them ever since. Thereby proving that popularity in high school is the kiss of death. Amy is distraught about her performance at try-outs, and Buffy tries to comfort her but Amy isn't having it and goes to change. As she's leaving, Willow joins Buffy and fills her in on Amy's history -- namely that Amy's mother is a psycho control freak. Buffy asks if Willow has any news on Amber, but the only thing Willow has come up with is that Amber had detention once for smoking: "Regular smoking -- not, like, being smoky." Buffy says that they'll have to wait and see, but maybe nothing will come of it. You better hope something comes of it, Buffy, otherwise you'll be out of a job.

Drip. Drip. Drip go the showerheads in the girls locker room. They don't need to cue the spooky music; girls' locker rooms are scary enough in their own right for any girl who had to change for PE in junior high. Amy is changing in front of her locker, and jumps when she hears a noise. She turns around to leave but runs into Cordelia. Amy apologizes for knocking Cordelia down earlier, and Cordelia tells her that if she doesn't make the squad Amy is "going to be so very beyond sorry." Cordelia turns and stalks out, slamming a locker door on her way out as part of her best "girl in a prison movie who is about to make you her bitch" impression.

Willow and Xander are walking to the quad; Willow says that she told Buffy about Amber. Xander asks if Buffy was wearing the bracelet he gave her and says, "It's pretty much like we're going out." "Except without the hugging, or kissing, or her knowing about it," teases Willow. Xander ponders if he should ask Buffy out and then says to Willow the worst thing in the world to hear when you're a girl who has a crush on a clueless boy -- that she's his "guy friend who knows about girl stuff." Xander sees that the cheerleading squad list is being posted across the quad and takes off running. He forces his way through a gaggle of girls. Cordelia slinks past Buffy and Amy and tells Amy that she's "lucky." Amy: "I made it?" Cordelia: "I made it." By this time Xander is back, and he tells Amy and Buffy that they both made the team, Buffy being the first alternate and Amy the third. Upon hearing this devastating news, Amy runs off. Willow informs Xander that alternates are the people who only make the team if someone drops out. How could Xander not know that? Didn't he ever play Little League? Buffy rushes off to comfort Amy and Xander says, "For I am Xander, king of cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me."

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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