Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card

Buffy has caught up to Amy and invites her over to pig out on brownies. But Amy refuses to be comforted, saying that "this never would have happened to my mother."

The camera pans up on a dark forbidding house, all the way up to the attic. The shot switches to inside the attic, and it's the cauldron of boiling green tempera paint. A figure in a black robe violently snatches another doll dressed as a cheerleader and wraps a scrunch around its eyes. The figure casts a spell which ends with "accept my sacrifice of Cordelia," as she throws the doll into the cauldron. Since they're going to such trouble to hide the face of the figure, I think it would be a lot more suspenseful if the closed captioning didn't identify the speaker as Amy.

It's morning in the Summers household. Buffy is making a bagel. Joyce comes downstairs to show Buffy her high-school yearbook. Buffy glances at Joyce's picture, saying, "Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair." Joyce corrects her that it's actually Gidget hair and suggests that Buffy join the yearbook staff. Buffy declines. Joyce tries to sell yearbook some more, but this sets Buffy off. "This just in. I'm not you. I'm into my own thing." Joyce reminds Buffy that "her thing" is responsible for them moving to Sunnydale because it was the only school that would accept her. Buffy gives Joyce a wounded look and stomps out. Left alone in the kitchen, Joyce rolls her eyes and says, "Ugh. Great parenting form. Little shaky on the dismount."

An obviously dazed Cordelia is walking down the hall. I mean, that outfit? Shiny floral patterned green shirt tied at the waist with pinstripe pants? Xander grouses to Willow about how he's invisible to everyone including Buffy. He decides that he actually has to bite the bullet and ask Buffy out. Luckily for him, she approaches while his resolve is still fresh. Buffy notices Cordelia leaning against a bank of lockers while Xander tries to stumble through his spiel. She tells him that she'll catch up with him later and follows Cordelia with a concerned look, leaving Xander holding her book. To Willow, Xander mimics the sound of a bomb falling and exploding.

Cordelia approaches the driver's ed car, and the instructor tells her that it's her turn to drive. Cordelia attempts to tell him that she doesn't feel well, but the instructor informs her that since she's flunked twice already she has to. What an idiot. I certainly wouldn't get in the car with a teen driver's ed recidivist who said she was ill. Inside, we get a shot from Cordelia's point of view, and everything is fuzzy. The instructor tells her to "move forward through the cones with a gentle even turn --" which is as far as he gets before Cordelia peels out in reverse and loses control of the car through the parking lot. She ends up driving through the fence and coming to a stop in the middle of the street, because I guess when you're going blind, you lose the ability to find the brake pedal. Buffy, who has kept an eye on the situation, is in close pursuit. Cordelia gets out of the car and stands next to it, trying to regain her balance. Suddenly there's a UPS truck bearing down on her, and I guess he's going blind too because he's not even trying to brake. Buffy rushes over and climbs over the hood of the driver's ed car (nice pants, Buffy. Not) and pushes Cordelia out of the way. The UPS truck clips the mirror on the driver's ed car. On the ground, Cordelia is exclaiming that she can't see anything, and when the camera focuses on her face she's wearing those creepy costume contact lenses that make your pupils disappear.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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