Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: D+ | 6 USERS: D+
Feed your head

Previously on Buffy: Spike told Buffy that she came back from the dead "wrong." Tara and Willow argued about Willow's magic use. Tara left Willow. As a strange sort of rebound maneuver, Willow changed Amy the Rat into Amy the Girl, and they did naughty magic together. But not the euphemistic type Willow and Tara used to practice. The Crime Geeks stole a diamond. Spike and Buffy banged away at each other. Take that as you will.

Summers home. It's morning, and the TV plays as Dawn and Tara sleep on the couch. Tara wakes first and looks disoriented. Dawn then wakes, and they confirm that it's almost 7 AM. Dawn mumbles about the wedgie she got from sleeping on the couch as Tara finally realizes that no one ever came home and woke them up. Upstairs, they open the door to Buffy's room and find it empty. Looking worried, Dawn leads the way to Willow's room -- also empty. Tara tries to assure Dawn that Willow and Buffy are fine. Funny, I'd be a little more worried if I were one of the few Sunnydale residents that actually knew what was going on. "Oh hey, Buffy's the Slayer and she's already died once this year and Willow's really been freakin' out with the whole magic thing, but I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason neither of them came home last night." Yeah -- 'cause they're dead!

Not really, but I'm the anxious type. Actually, we're now at The Shattered Shack O' Shagging. Rubble, rubble, bare feet and legs, rubble. Buffy suddenly wakes and sits straight up, Spike's bare chest in the background. She gasps in panic and looks at her surroundings in disbelief. Spike stirs; Buffy, grabbing her skirt to her chest, hops up and demands, "When did the building fall down?" Spike, his face bruised and his chest scratched, ventures it must have been "some time between the first time and the..." He trails off with a laugh. Buffy looks queasy and groans, "Oh my God!"

Buffy scrabbles about in the rubble, looking for her other shoe. Oh man, her face is bruised and battered too. Still sprawled out naked, Spike languorously asks why she's in such a hurry. Buffy snaps that she left Dawn all night, and boy, ain't it real charitable-like for her to remember she has a little sister at home? Spike wriggles in a pleased manner and attempts to remind Buffy of the events of the night before. "Can we not? Talk?" grumps Buffy, and at least she's consistent about not wanting to hear anything that comes out of his mouth. Spike wants a rematch (I personally think that sex on a pile of concrete and broken wood would get old fast, but then, I'm not undead), but Buffy is emphatic that the night before was "the end of this freak show." As she wanders close to him, looking for more clothes, Spike grabs her and pulls her into his lap. She resists; he wants more sex. He sticks his hand up under her skirt and lets his fingers do the walkin'. Buffy struggles to get away and then they end up kissing. Kiss, kiss. Buffy's voice says, "No, no," but somehow her lips say, "Yes! Yes!" She ends up with Spike lying on top of her. Artful blocking of any of his naughty bits by the flaps of her leather skirt, by the way. Kissing and then Spike says, "I knew the only thing better than killing a Slayer would be f..." He's interrupted by Buffy's gasp of disgust and her shoving him off as she leaps to her feet. If you slo-mo this scene you can see James Marsters's saggy white pouch. If you know what I mean. You don't? Well, he's wearing some sort of diaper-y modesty belt. Kinda takes some of the sexiness right out of his nudity, knowing that.

Buffy's all outraged to think Spike might be sleeping with her just to rack up the street cred of having done a Slayer, but I'm thinking she's really missing the salient point, which is just how repellent she should find pillow talk about how fun it was for him to KILL women like her. And what's up with Spike's need to sabotage moments where he and Buffy are getting along? Spike accuses her of being a vampire "groupie," and Buffy cuts him to the quick, saying that she was only ever attracted to Angel and Spike's just "convenient." Finally disrupted from his post-coital jocularity, Spike says their night in The Shattered Shack O' Shagging has changed things for him; he's tired of being her "whipping boy." I'm running out of new ways to describe the dynamic between these two. Buffy is disgusted, Spike is cocky. Nice to see that Buffy now has no more dignity than Spike's last lay, Harmony, the wench that was played for comedic effect. Actually, in "Pangs," Harmony was a bit more successful at making her point than Buffy is here. She tries to leave, and he restrains her by throwing his arms around her neck. Obviously, Buffy can defend herself and doesn't have to stand there when he stops her, but I still can't help but be disturbed by the way this plays out. I personally don't find the annoying, physically forceful cretin of the bodice-ripper romances to be a romantic ideal, and I can't believe that what used to be my favorite show is forcing me to sit through a scene implying that our heroine is a little lady who just needs to be held down and forced into "letting down her barriers." It's not that I have anything against passionate, powerful sex, but I'm only comfortable if there's an element of play, or a mutual agreement as to the terms. Rant over. For now. Buffy threatens to kill Spike if he tells anyone about their shared game of hide-the-weenie. His reaction is to pull her tiny pink thong panties out of his pocket and suggest, "You're gonna want these too." Buffy drops him with a punch to the nose. Still stealin' the panties, I see.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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