Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: C+ | Grade It Now!
First-Time Caller, Long-Time Listener

Out on the sidewalk, Jack recognizes Trevor as "Food Guy." Trevor says he's also a "Love Detective" and is going to help Jack find Sweet Jane. Back at Jack's apartment, he pretends like he thinks it's weird that this total stranger is in his apartment, getting ready to involve himself in his love life, but he can't really feel that way, or he wouldn't be letting this total stranger into his apartment, and inviting him into his love life, right? Anyhow, Jack tells Trevor all he has in common with Jane. Bibble babble soul mates. The only tangible thing he has from her though, is a 45 of Otis Redding's "You Left the Water Running." Because Jane left the store tag on the 45's sleeve, Trevor realizes they can find her by good old-fashioned stalking. And it's off to the record store -- Vinyl Countdown, in Queens. The owner doesn't carry anything made after August 1, 1981, which Jack explains to Trevor is, "Black Saturday. It's the day MTV premiered." Way to run a business, buddy. By any chance do you run AIG, too? Pictures came and broke your heart. Put the blame on VTR. After some prompting and digging, Trevor and Jack get the store owner to remember that the woman who bought the 45 was a semi-regular who would stop in after her shift at the local supermarket was over. As luck would have it, our mystery stalkee works in the customer service booth and uses the P.A. right after Jack and Trevor enter the store. Her nametag reads Sarah, but Jack recognizes her voice. When he greets her, she says, "Oh, God. Why did you have to find me? This ruins everything."

Theme Song!

This ruins everything because Sarah already has too many men in her life. She had Jack "filed in a very specific place" in her life. Jack's all "I guess I really do have a face for radio," as he tries to pretend that he handles rejection well, but really, what stalker does? Still, once they leave the store, Trevor does what he can to encourage Jack "once more into the breach." And you, good yeoman, whose limbs were made here in New York, show here us the mettle of your stalkage. Blah blah blah Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'-cakes.

Book-Em Soho: That night at the singles group, Claire changes her stance, and it's hook-ups for everyone, but that's only because she's sold out to "DateWell" a new online dating service. Anyone who completes the online questionnaire gets set up on a coffee date, by Claire. If the dates she sets up are as exciting as the lady herself, they're going to need that coffee, yeah? Trevor's against this. The internet is for TWoP and cats. He wants everyone take up their hammers like John Henry and beat that steam drill down or we'll all end up like the loads in Wall-E. Um, Trevor? Too late. Now where's my little scooter? I left the remote three feet away and need to rewind, here. After group, Claire and Trevor argue about online dating, and she brags that she's meeting with a statistician who's going to help her "crunch the numbers." Just as Trevor contrasts working with a god to meeting with a nerd, the nerd walks in. His name is Peter and he's a fan of Claire's work. She shoos Trevor out so she and Peter can work on taking the drama out of love, which sums up Claire, perfectly. Trevor's miffed so he toots his own horn by making a penis joke about pi and the ratio of his circumference to his diameter. Oh, Trevor. That's the clunkiest geometry joke, ever. Once Trevor and his bad math are gone, Peter reveals that he's also working with Kelsey Stansler, the advice columnist from The Village Voice. Claire's DateWell's common interest and values expert, whereas Kelsey's "all about attraction and desire." Great, maybe she can replace Claire, because she's not working out, Show. Pixie dust.

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