Deadwood
A Constant Throb

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: A | 7 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
A Constant Throb

In the Grand Central's restaurant, Jarry is kissing Hearst's ass, saying how great the Grand Central is now that he's bought it. Hearst seems bored by this and looks out the window to watch Mrs. Ellsworth as she makes her way down the street to the bank. She nods to Al, who also watches from his balcony as he has his coffee.

A few tables over, Langrishe is congratulating his staff on a job well done at amateur night. Claudia puts on a little performance of her own -- there were apparently points in the evening she didn't quite love. "What about the beautiful harem dance," she snarks, passive-aggressively, "by that darling little dark-haired prostitute?"

Back outside, Alma continues her stroll. Suddenly, a bullet whizzes past her face and into the side of a building. For a split-second, she freezes, shocked. Charlie is already running toward her when the second shot hits right behind her head. "Make yourself fuckin' small, Ms. Ellsworth," Charlie yells as she scrambles. Hearst watches all from his seat the restaurant window, calmly commenting to Jarry about the events, while all around the thoroughfare, everyone takes cover. Everyone, that is, but Al. Because, y'all, Al is running for the balcony's edge. He doesn't even pause before jumping over, scanning the area like he's in Nam, and racing to help Charlie drag Alma across the street. Adams comes flying out to assist, ready for action, but Al is thinking ten steps ahead. "Get to the fuckin' schoolhouse," he yells. "[Give] particular attention to the foundling. And send fuckin' Trixie over here." Adams reverses quickly, throwing a hand up in understanding, and takes off in the other direction. Meanwhile, Hearst has casually made his way out to the hotel's porch, hands in pockets, not a care in the world. Langrishe, behind him, looks worriedly toward the action. "Oh, just some nonsense among the ordinaries, sir," Al calls to Hearst. "Getting' Mrs. Ellsworth under cover." Hearst looks mildly upset, perhaps wondering why none of his ingenious plans ever seem to work out in Deadwood. "Excess of fuckin' caution," Al goes on, shoving Alma ahead, "but you, yourself, sir, are absolutely safe!" HA. In your bloated, bearded, buttface, Hearsty. Seriously y'all, when Al jumped off that balcony, I leapt from my seat with my arms in the air like a Venezuelan soccer fan.

He and Charlie have made it into the Gem with Mrs. Ellsworth, and while everybody stumbles around, blown away by these events, the old Al emerges, powerful and in control, and ready to KICK some ASS. He commands Charlie to go and wire Bullock in Sturgis with a telegram saying his return is urgently required. "In fuckin' generalities only," he cautions, "otherwise that maniac'll come back shooting." Charlie nods, still speechless, and turns to go out the front door. "No, not that way!" Al yells. "Don't want that cocksucker knowing nothing of our business." He has Johnny show him the secret passage. Sweet, sweet, sweet. There is nobody I love more than sneaky, hatin', Vengeful Al.

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Deadwood

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