A Constant Throb

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: A | 7 USERS: A
A Constant Throb

"Cheyenne's off," Al announces. Dan's pissed. How many ties does Al think he has, anyway? He can't be getting all gussied up every other day for this trip tease! "Second-rate deployment, Dan," Al explains, "sending you off for reinforcements to come back to a camp in ruins." It's a good point, and proves that Al's tactics and fuckin' strategies are as sharp as ever. Dan gets it, but is still bitchy. Al makes him a generous offer, straight out of the Gem HR Benefits Handbook. "Whoever you intended to fuck [in Cheyenne]," he says, "send monies to bring her here." See? MY boss won't even reimburse my gas expenses. Dan purses his lips and stomps off. "Who I intended to fuck won't ride a stagecoach," he says, sourly. "Makes her puke."

Speaking of puking, Jewel has put a tray together in the Gem's kitchen (blech). "Toast and eggs or toast and bacon," she proudly announces to Al, as she heads for his office. "She can choose or she can mix 'em, whatever she wants." Al looks at her for one beat. "Why the fuck are you telling me?" he asks and Jewel scowls. Why's he got to ruin the excitement of having Alma in the joint? She starts her laborious ascent up the staircase. "Every step a fuckin' adventure," he mutters. He yells to Dan to go collect fuckin' Ellsworth, but says to tell him nothing of the shooting. "What am I to say I'm collecting him for?" Dan asks. Al: "Just knock him out and bring him in." Dan, aware of all the drama, asks Al if he wants to close the Gem for a while. "No, I don't want to close," Al insists. "Fuckin' Hearst's to see not one single sign on any fuckin' front that he's had half a c*nt hair's effect on any of the comings and goings in this camp." That's right, Al! Never let 'em see you sweat.

Charlie is back, reporting that the telegram has been sent to Bullock. Of course, since it's Charlie, he can't really get the story out without about nine paragraphs, but Al doesn't really bust him for it. "Should I relieve Adams at the schoolhouse?" Charlie asks, and Al actually responds, sincerely, with "Please." Charlie turns to leave, muttering all the way out the door. "Let Adams come back here, be available for whatever nefarious fuckin' carryings-on you assign him," he grumbles, "'cause I do not take orders from you." Now, now, Charlie.

Upstairs, Alma has released herself from the confines of her whalebone and is being offered a Gem breakfast by Jewel, who is so thrilled by her presence she doesn't even know what to do with herself. Mrs. Ellsworth doesn't quite know how to react, either. Trixie has to step in as the translator. "Before she eats," she jokes to Jewel, "she somersaults and don't want no one to see." Alma sighs. "In fact," she says, very politely, "I rarely eat before noon." Jewel, still smiling, says that maybe Mrs. E just hasn't found anything she likes to eat, yet. Trixie's had enough, and overly sharp, tells Jewel to beat it. Jewel frowns at her like she's ruining her fun, but she goes out, smiling at their guest. "Did you ever have bacon?" she asks Alma from the door. "I very well might," Alma says, cringing but still polite. Trixie gets up and shuts the door on Jewel, giving her the brush as Alma calls out a last thank you. "That was so considerate of her," she says to Trixie when they are alone. "Fascinated by you," Trixie explains, lighting up a cigarette. She sees that Mrs. E is still very upset about the morning's events. "If you saw who it was and want to say," she offers, "I wouldn't have to tell Al." Alma assures her she didn't see the shooter. "And," she adds, "I'm very grateful to be under Mr. Swearengen's protection." Trixie gives her the mildest of smirks. "Yeah," she says, "he's a prince." Alma: "In the sheriff's absence, I mean." This gets a bigger smirk. "Good a place as any for you to be," she pointedly agrees, "in the sheriff's absence." Pondering all this bullshit, she laughs a little and goes out on the landing to see Jewel still making her way down the stairs. "She somersaulted and et and says her entire fuckin' dietary outlook has changed," Trixie calls. Jewel is thrilled. "What plate did she et from?" she asks. "She et," Trixie says, smiling, "from them fuckin' both." Aw. Sometimes the cycle of abuse is so fast on this show, I get whiplash.

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