Deadwood
A Constant Throb

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: A | 7 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
A Constant Throb

For some unknown reason, Hearst has invited the sickening Jarry back to his room for a chat. "What a world," Jarry facetiously remarks. "A woman in innocent transit. A wayward shot from some watering hole, do you suppose, prompted by a surfeit or spirits, exuberant punctuations of some sort?" Hearst sighs, hating him as much as the rest of us do. "Do you believe anything you say?" he asks. Jarry says he is merely hypothesizing. "And have you some private hypothesis," Hearst asks, sick of all him frontin', "as to my possible role?" Jarry pretends to be confused: "In the shooting at Mrs. Ellsworth?" he asks. "In the rising of the sun," Hearst shoots back, his massive ego clearly still intact. Jarry continues to lay on the smarm. "I would hypothesize as to the latter possibility, sir," he says, "before imagining you involved with the first." Hearst is over all this foolishness. "Oh come, Jarry. My holdings butt up against hers; I value efficiencies and economies of consolidation," he points out. "Haven't I reason to nudge her toward a sale?" Jarry puts on airs like he is offended anyone would even suggest such a thing. Hearst is obviously contemplating the ethics of murdering someone for merely kissing his ass. Still, Jarry continues. "Men of a certain caliber cannot allow fastidious morality to distract them from the exigencies of commerce, can they, Mr. Hearst?" he asks. "And did you heave up your responsibilities upon broad and reconciled shoulders?" Hearst answers this bloviation with a terse "no." Jarry postulates that "perhaps then, rather, at this moment you are Socrates to my Alcibiades, taken it upon yourself to edify me." Vrrrt! The needles comes off the record at this little party. Hearst gets in Jarry's face. "Are you saying," he asks, "you want to fuck me?" Whoa! Sex in the Not-Yet-Incorporated City! For his part, Jarry looks just as shocked as the rest of us. "Well, you keep calling yourself Alcibiades to my Socrates," Hearst snaps. "Are you proposing some sort of homosexual connection between us?" Jarry swallows hard (eeek! not like that!). "I forgot that part of the story. He says, and gulps again as Hearst has a whispered conversation with someone who has just knocked on the door. When Hearst turns back, Jarry is on his knees. I cover my face in pain thinking that we're finally going to see some man love on this show and it will be between the last two guys I'd want to see get it on. But no, Jarry's just pledging his loyalty. "But, if I were courting you, Mr. Hearst, I claim no allure of my own," he says, "suggesting only the mutuality of our interests concerning the upcoming elections grants my suit some small virtue. As you gaze upon me, sir, recall that some unions of convenience may outlast those conceived in passion." Wow. Hearst is not impressed. You have to wonder if, in dealing with all these idiots, he ever regrets firing ol' Wolcott who, though he was, you know, a sadist and a killer, at least did not get on every last one of Hearst's nerves. He tells Jarry to get up and get back to Yankton. "Elections cannot inconvenience me," he reminds him. "They ratify my will or I neuter them." Jarry agrees that this is a compelling perspective.

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Deadwood

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