A Two-Headed Beast

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: A | 9 USERS: A
A Two-Headed Beast

Things continue to go wrong. So, so very wrong -- the Captain drags Dan to a particularly nasty mud puddle and shoves his face in, holding it down to drown him. Dan's on the ropes, people. Things are about as bad as they can get. Johnny and Adams are near vomiting. Al hangs his head in silence. And the Captain...well, here is where he makes his fatal error. Oh, yes. He looks up to Hearst on his roof for the "finish him" signal, but even as he receives it, Dan rallies. Somehow, he flings himself out of the mud hole, gagging and coughing and when Turner crawls after him, Dan makes his big move, by which I mean HE GOUGES OUT TURNER'S EYE. No, wait, let me try to make it more clear. The Captain has two eyes, right? And they reside inside his skull, you know, where eyes BELONG. But, Dan, see...he PULLS ONE OUT. And it is HANGING THERE...on the OUTSIDE of Turner's face, for all the world to see! Oh my Gaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhd the screaming that goes on! The Captain screams. I scream. My husband screams. Even our dog covers his eyes. Dan, barely on his feet and covered in blood, stands to face Al. At this point, his options are limited -- leave the one-eyed Captain to scream in the street, or finish him off. Al continues his stony stare, in which Dan must find the answer he's looking for -- he picks up a big log and beats Captain Turner to death.

Holy shit, W. Earl Brown. Long may you reign.

What follows is some thankless material involving the amusing theater troupe. Too bad they had to come right after that fight, thus making it completely immaterial. They are cute and everything -- the awesome Dennis Christopher, who plays Bellegarde, looks so much like Roddy McDowall that it freaks me right out -- and I think the actors are great, but...well, come on. Dan just ripped out someone's EYEBALL.

Adams and Johnny are having some recovery shots that night when Doc comes in to ask if Dan is receiving yet. "Broken bones mortally interfering with organs is what I would like to rule out," Doc says, and Johnny goes to the back to check on Dan and finds him, sitting naked (!) on a stool, trembling. He tells Johnny that he doesn't need the Doc. "Come on, Dan," Johnny protests. "Let him look at you. He come back special." Dan's pissed, though, and...can it be?...kind of crying. "You heard what the fuck I said," he snaps. "He wants to poke around in some innards, tell him to work on the one I killed." Johnny is at a loss. He offers him whiskey, but Dan shakes his head no. "One of the girls?" he tries next. "There's a clamoring line to see to you." Dan isn't interested in any of this and just wants to be alone. "Get the fuck out of here, Johnny," he repeats, and Johnny goes out, where he shakes his head "no" at the Doc. "Listen for raspy fuckin' shallow breathing in the course of the fucking night," Doc advises. "Him going blue too, would hint to you to fucking come get me." Yeah, no joke. Johnny says he definitely will, and Doc leaves him and Adams to continue their vigil. Upstairs, Al lurks over them, watching.

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