Advances, None Miraculous

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: A | 3 USERS: A+
Advances, None Miraculous
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!
Hostetler and the N*gger General are nervous. As the fabulous Drunken Bee told you last week, the horse they were trying to geld trampled William Bullock in the street and the two men are pacing the livery, looking out the front door for retribution, sure to come.

Actually, it seems Hostetler is not quite understanding the full magnitude of the situation. Apparently, he thinks it was just dang ol' Steve the horse took down. "Horse run trash over like that by accident," he says, "still ain't a white man in the world gon' stand up against ropin' us up, now is there?" NG: "John Brown would've."

Still looking into the thoroughfare, the NG asks Hostetler if the sheriff has a kid. Hostetler says yes, and a wife. He knows because he sold Bullock the land on which the sheriff built his family's house. Coming up beside the NG, he sees the full and dreadful scene. Bullock is carrying William in his arms, yelling for his wife, who comes running, skirts in hands. Hostetler clues in: "Jesus!"

Everyone in the street is up-SET. Sol comes running as well, and we see Sophia turn to bury her face in Mrs. G's beautiful dress. Trixie steps out of the hardware store, alarmed, and Cy yells at his henchmen, extra hatefully, to drag Mose Manual down to the Chez Amie.

Hostetler and the NG lament the situation. The only violence they meant, Hostetler says, "was to that stallion's prick," and now they're in this horrible situation. Evidently, however, no one has fully figured out as of yet that the horse came from the two of them. This is indicated when Calamity Jane walks up to the livery door looking to get her horse turned out. Hostetler tells her he's closed, but that he'll note down her request (on his chalkboard, no doubt). Jane hollers again: "Short N*gger General in there?" Hostetler lies and says no, trying to get rid of her. "How about that stud he brought into camp," she asks further, "with his cock hanging past his hocks?" (If you're at a fraternity party, talking about a guy rather than a horse, this can easily be modified to "that stud with his cock hanging to his socks." …What?)

Hostetler tells her that said stud ain't there, either. She leaves, sarcastically congratulating Hostetler for being closed, and the NG shrugs. "There goes no one associatin' me with that horse." Hostetler gets mad, now. He is seeing the future, he thinks, and decides he's not going to beg anybody for mercy. "I hadn't ought to have to do that," he says, grimacing. The NG translates this complicated English fast enough to stop Hostetler from grabbing his shotgun. They wrestle for it, and Hostetler threatens to break the NG's arm if he doesn't give him the gun. He'd rather go out his own way, he says, by choice. The NG convinces him to let it "ride for six hours," to see what shakes down. "You won't have to beg me once," he says. "If you still want to do it, I'll shoot you." (Cue music: "That's What Friends are For.") Hostetler says if it comes to it, he'll do it himself.

At the Gem, Johnny has interrupted Al's meeting with Miss Isringhausen to give a report on the scene to Al, while Trixie paces, hysterical. "He's definitely alive," Johnny says. "'Cause bein' lifted into the cabin, he give a moan out and blood come out of his mouth." Trixie is losing it. She complains that she already told Al all this. "As of 15 minutes ago," Al says. Trixie sarcastically orders Johnny, between sobs, to run back to Doc's cabin yet again. "Maybe since you saw him, he's changed," she cries. "Or the half of his chest stove-in has healed. Or his poor broken head!" Al, sitting ramrod straight, tells her to shut up, or he'll throw her out. He doesn't have time for all this mourning and gnashing. He's got Miss Iz to deal with, and now the situation's obviously complicated -- he won't be able to get Bullock to escort her to safety now.

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