Amalgamation And Capital

Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: D | 9 USERS: A
Amalgamation And Capital
I stand here before you a TWoP virgin, a hooplehead, a mere Johnny to Al Lowe's Swearengen, so go easy on a cocksucker, will ya?

We open inside the Bullock homestead as William comes down the stairs, buttoning up his shirt like a real little man. Uncle Daddy wishes him a good morning and asks if he is permitted coffee, guessing that a third of a cup would be about right. William says that he does take coffee "completed with cow's milk," and Bullock, in a clenchy version of fatherly indulgence, offers the poor boy three spoons of sugar. My heart is warmed for precisely one and half seconds, after which Bullock clenches out what passes for a joke in The House of Mirthless, "Is this the morning, William, do you suppose, the tip of this lamp, like an Indian spear, goes into the top of my head?" like, ha ha, little boy, why don't you imagine an imminent and arbitrary death for your Uncle Daddy! After this lighthearted moment, Bullock fixes his cold, cold stare on William and asks if the coffee is as good as his mother's. William pauses and says no, but only because his father always made the coffee. Cut to Martha coming down the stairs just in time to overhear an emotionally stunted man try to make nice to a little boy.

Martha smiles ruefully as she overhears William tell Uncle Daddy about how his father liked to sing all kinds of songs, would make his mom laugh, and knew all about duck-callin'. And I would think awww, poor lady, except for the facts that 1) she married her own brother-in-law when a monthly check would probably have sufficed and 2) she seems about as fun to have sex with as a piece of beef jerky.

This heartwarming moment is interrupted by Charlie Utter coming to get Bullock on some official business. Hey, kid, don't forget that your Uncle Daddy has a dangerous job! So that Indian spear quip ain't just idle talk! As Bullock leaves, he offers to take William duck-hunting soon. Martha, preceded, as usual, by her chin by a good three paces, comes all the way down the stairs and says, "Good morning, Mr. Bullock" -- ooh, you sex kitten, you! -- as he leaves, yet receives only a clench in return.

Al's office. E.B. comes in holding his cheek and tells Al about his bad tooth. Al remarks that it is too bad that E.B., being Al's "eyes and ears," was indisposed during such an eventful day as yesterday. I can't remember right now what the hell happened yesterday but, knowing Deadwood, I'm sure it involved public sex, pig-on-human violence, or a can of peaches, or maybe, if it was really good, all of the above! It turns out Al is faulting E.B. for having been asleep at the wheel when the telegraph operator came to town, and strongly suggests that E.B. cozy up to the fellow to keep tabs on messages coming from and going to Yankton.

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