Friday Night Lights
Black Eyes & Broken Hearts

Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B+ | 5 USERS: A+
Of The Souls Of Strippers

Out on the floor, Landry is like a, well, like a teenaged boy in a strip club. Cut back to Matt stuttering at Julie that he has lots of stuff he wants to talk to her about. Julie is in complete and total RED ALERT mode and not really able to play games with him, and she responds she wants to talk, too. Matt stutters his sur-sur-prise and starts launching into his talk right then until Julie asks if it can wait, "it's just kind of gross and depressing in here." Awesome girl. Able to be bad but also keep her wits about being bad. Tyra comes up and says she's ready to -- "Uh, uh? Where's the other one?" Wah wah waaaah.

Landry continues getting caught with his hand in the, uh, his hand in a stripper's bra. A stripper gets all up in his face while a bald, mustachioed man comes up and asks Landry if he's seen him in there before. Landry can't even form words with his mouth, so the bald man just goes ahead and flashes the one thing Landry probably doesn't care to see flashed: his badge. Double, triple, quadruple wah wah waaah!

An officer buzzes himself into the juvie holding cell where the Awesome Foursome are sitting rather moribundly. He calls out Tyra, Matt, and Landry's names, saying their parents are there to pick them up. Matt is incredulous: "my Gramma's here?!" Turns out Landry's parents are signing for him, too. But since Julie can't leave yet, Matt says he'll just stay and wait. The officer tells him it's not an option, and everyone files out, leaving little Julie sitting in there looking sad and traumatized.

Tami and Coach sit in their car outside the police station. Coach asks how long they're going to wait out there, and Tami responds immediately and with parental death-ray eyes, "Lil' bit longer." Coach says all the other parents have picked up their "perps" and asks why can't they do the same? Tami, who is clearly a GENIUS, spits, "because I would like our perp to sit in there a little bit longer so she can think about what she's doing sitting in there." Holy File That One Away, Too.

Cut to the Taylors returning home. Julie brats that whenever they want to say something, they can go right ahead. Tami is boiling and tells her daughter that the first thing she'll say is that she's grounded. Julie: "Okay, whatever." Tami: "Whatever?!" Coach: "Uuuuhhhh." Kyle Chandler's hair: "I am -- quite literally! -- above all this, sir." Tami starts screeching a bit, demanding to know what the hell Julie was doing in a strip club. Julie shrugs that they were waiting for Tyra's sister Mindy. Tami scoffs, "Tyra, of course it was Tyra." Julie, like, can't believe her mom is, like, "so judgmental." Tami doesn't give a flying fuck and says, "I am judgmental. I am judgmental about a woman who takes her clothes off for a living." Julie tries to explain that they weren't "hanging out" there, but Tami again doesn't really see the point of the distinction. She turns to her husband -- and she is in full-on howler monkey screech right now -- and asks if he has anything to say. He quietly tells Julie that it's okay that she's safe. HA! Julie then chooses this moment to tell her mom that she's "too busy looking down your nose from your ivory tower" -- and this is quite literally the best parent-child fight ever filmed. Everyone is coming off like an insane freak, which, really, isn't that what family is all about? At the mention of this nonsensical "ivory tower" -- the inappropriateness and naiveté of Julie's argumentative stance is just so, so familiar -- Tami somehow goes above and beyond howler monkey, all the way back to growling mama bear as she sings out like Aretha Franklin, "You wanna know what it looks like from my 'ivory tower,' girl, it looks like you are NOT hangin' out with TYra COllete anymore." A few more whatevers from Julie and a "nice input" from Tami to Eric and everyone storms off alone.

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Friday Night Lights




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