Friday Night Lights
Black Eyes & Broken Hearts

Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B+ | 5 USERS: A+
Of The Souls Of Strippers

Timmy screams at the kid, telling him he doesn't deserve to be on the field, et cetera until Coach calls Tim over and tells him that he needs to be a leader, needs to set the tone, not break the kids down. Tim assures Coach that he can do this and so Coach then calls over the three JV nerdlings and tells Tim that they are now going to be sticking to him "like paint on a car." Wacky hijinks! Will they ensue? Tim walks off, one of the baby geeks tells Tim that "I'm with ya," Tim turns to him and says "Shut up."

Uninspiring Credits. Tami and Coach tensely watch Smash's interview on NBC. We hear Smash tell the reporter that the black players are willing to play on Friday if Mac gets fired in the interim. Coach turns from the TV as his newly sassy daughter Julie walks into the room, chatting on the phone, saying "Yeah, we should totally do that. You did? Your mom is sooo cool." Tami shoots a look at her daughter. Julie hangs up the phone, and Tami asks who she was talking with. It's Tyra, of course, and Tami says that she and Coach have been wanting to talk with her about "this new relationship you've got going." Julie shifts into What-the-Fuck-Ever and is all "first of all....and second of all..." Julie thinks that her mom "doesn't even know Tyra." Julie further brats that she's already been punished for skipping school, so isn't that, like, done, or whatever? Tami has pulled herself up like a mother cat about to eat her own young and retorts that Julie's "guidance counselor" helped her make up a grade, but it's her "mother" talkin' now.

Coach Taylor throws his gloves unhelpfully in the ring as he sort of mutters to the side, facing away from his daughter, "Whatever happened to Lois?" (Lois, the girl who is always the last to know). Julie brats back that first they didn't want her dating Matt Saracen and now they want to pick her friends, "So, uh, why don't you guys just...homeschool me?" Tami puts on a fantastic fake smile and, to the agitation of puppies everywhere, ratchets her voice up a few octaves: "Honey? I don't like your tone. I don't like your sarcasm." Close-up on Julie looking kind of regretful for accelerating so quickly so early in the morning. Tami wants to know what Julie sees in Tyra, given that the latter has been suspended from school three times, one time for drinking on campus.

Just then, Coach turns around to address his daughter, and launches into the greatest, most muddling attempt to address the age-old question of what to do when your baby starts getting bad. It's so good, I'm just going to quote it here for posterity's sake. For, in the future, a father might be busying himself with doing something not-very-useful -- like say perusing a television website -- looking for ways he might make himself even more unhelpful and vestigial to the mother-daughter battles happening in his household. It is for this man, at his short wit's end, that I reproduce here Coach Taylor's words of wisdom:

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Friday Night Lights




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