Friday Night Lights

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Drunken Bee: A | 1 USERS: A+
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May The Best Show Win
Jason sits in front of the computer, reading a website called "Fertility Information." He takes a deep, inconclusive breath. And then we cut over to him wheeling into the restaurant where his waitress Madonna works. He tells her that he thinks they should have the baby, that he was up all night researching and this baby is a blessing from God. She immediately turns around and walks away, which I think is a sign of a girl with a good head on her shoulders. She should probably run away if he starts speaking in tongues. He follows her around, talking about motility rates (his is very low) and reflex versus psychogenic erections (she was apparently great at helping him achieve the former). She's like, I am trying to make the guacamole here, please with your dirty medical talk! Then it's on to "duct function" and sperm this, semen that until she finally says, "Oh, my God. Shhh." He says sunnily that the point is that his boys can swim. Well, actually, Jason, the point is that they swam their way over to her body. She tells him that he is freaking her out and he needs to go home and get some rest. But he counters by telling her that the worst part of his injury has been people telling him he might never be a father, so now that this has happened, they have to have the baby, because "it might be my only chance." She responds, "You do not get to put that on me. I am not some sort of experiment for you to prove your manhood. I am nineteen. You're a car salesman in a wheelchair." C.f. my earlier comment re: good head on her shoulders. He keeps at her until she raises her voice a little, telling him he was a one-night stand, before catching herself, realizing that she is at work. He looks at her with crazy man eyes and says, "It was one of the greatest nights of my life." Wow. Way to be weird, Jason. She throws up her hands, turns on her heel, and walks away from him.

Smash is at the Alamo Freeze, apparently on a break, taking a meeting with...an arena football rep. Oh no! This is terrible! The rep tries to tell him that arena football is the real deal, but Smash knows otherwise: "Come on, man, y'all run around inside with some tiny balls and a bunch of nets and stuff." So much different from Smash's sport, in which you run around outside, with a smallish ball and two large goalposts. The rep counters savvily, saying that Smash is right, they are a "fan's game" (Smash never said that). He then tells Smash that their players make about $42,000 a year between January and June. Smash seems impressed by this number, which just means he's never had to do the weekly grocery shopping or fill the gas tank of the car. Honey, that's not going to go too far. The rep closes by telling him that if he wants to play pro football, this is his chance.

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Friday Night Lights

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