Friday Night Lights

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | 3 USERS: A-
Daddy Issues

Coach Taylor gives the boys a speech in the locker room about how the recruiters are trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with G and that stands for "you will work at a gas station for the rest of your life if you believe their glittering lies." The recruiters, he explains, don't care about how they get you to commit to their school, and are liable to do anything creepy they can think of as a result, whereas the Texas High School Athletic Administration has made it their business to care. The camera immediately locates Smash as Eric discusses the fact that the Panthers will lose eligibility for State if anybody gets caught accepting anything, from iPhones to "rides home." That said, he wants all meetings and discussions set up through the Coach's office, so they can take care of it. "Anything you need, you will get." It's interesting to see this from a new direction this year, like how last year we watched Street go left in this process, and now Smash is going to go right and we'll see how it was supposed to go, and how awful it still has the potential to be.

On the way out to the field, Pete from Miami approaches Smash, who quickly tells him that Miami is not for him, due to weather. Things get wildly snake oily all of a sudden, and some random girl comes running up, like, "I suffer from baldness and blindness! Let me sample this wondrous elixir!" And the guy is like, "Step right up, sexy young lady whom I have never met before, and sample this all-natural, accept-no-substitutes, honest-to-God wonderful formula which is now pending patent!" They have a completely unrehearsed and not-at-all sketchy conversation about her brother, who just happens to have been recruited to Pete's school two years ago and has since not only become the biggest draft pick of all time, but is also the proud owner of several Playmate models, a mansion as big as Missouri, and not one but several gold-plated jet planes. "Young gentleman, note please that I have nothing up my sleeves or hidden in my suit jacket. Now, have you ever met this young lady before?" Smash is like, "No, but I would like to make out with her." They laugh, and she is hot, and Smash is so dazzled that he doesn't even notice the guy slipping Mystery Girl a fifty with his finger on the side of his nose. Oh, Smash. Where is your mother?

Santiago suits up on the field, sweating already due to his intense hotness. Eric and one of the identical other coaches -- it's Mac McGill, the racist one, which lends even more awesomeness to this scene -- watch him do all kinds of boot campy training things that I don't know about, and Eric's like, "Watch this." He calls Santiago over and sends him to see "the guidance counselor, Mrs. Taylor," to go over his transcripts and credits and make sure everything's "squared away academically." He looks Santiago in the eye and asks if he understands what he's saying -- that Santiago has gotten the nod and everything else is gravy, offering him some snake oil of his own -- and tells Santiago to be nice to her. "She's my wife." Lord knows Eric Taylor is the best man in the universe besides Jason Street, but you don't really need to love him to be completely enchanted by Tami the second you come within fifty yards of her. Eric looks over at the other coach as Santiago runs off like a puppy, and he's not exactly smiling,'s Eric. He's doing that thing he does where he doesn't smile, but glares in a certain way that means he's happy.

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Friday Night Lights




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