Friday Night Lights

Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B | 7 USERS: A
Once You're A Jet

Lois is about to toss her bra onto the bookshelves in the library as Julie tells her about how Tim Riggins saved her from the tornado. "Tim Riggins was holding you?!" Julie clarifies that he was holding her protecting her, not holding her "oh, I love you." Lois wants to know what he smells like. Julie cutes, "No, really, Lois, that's like pathetic. Like here's you" -- makes a level with her hand -- "and here's pathetic" -- makes another level with her hand. "You're like going below yourself." Well, get her on a Bunim-Murray show, then! Landry comes up and sits next to Julie. Lois leaves. No one thanks her. Good ol' thankless Lois. Landry says he needs Julie's advice, even despite what she did to his best friend. Who's that again? Oh, right, Matt Saracen, one of the many to be left on the side of the road, hitchin' towards a decent storyline. Landry tells Julie this is top-secret advice that he needs, and then explains that he and Tyra have "a...a...beautiful...thing." Julie looks up and laughs, "So you and Tyra have a beautiful thing?!" Long story short, Landry wants to know what sort of flower -- rose or carnation -- to get Tyra for the fall formal. Julie wonders if Tyra knows that Landry is taking her to the dance, and then bitches at him to just go ask Tyra what kind of flower she wants.

Tyra sits outside when The Missing Link sits down next to her and says he's "Chip." No, sir. You are The Missing Link. Tyra doesn't even look at him. For my part, all I am looking at is Tyra's luscious bosom. I mean, hot damn, woman. The Missing Link literally licks his finger and then wipes said finger on her shirt and says, "Let's get you out of those wet clothes." Aaaargh! Tyra finally looks up and declares that if he ever touches her again, she'll kick him so hard his balls will be nonexistent. Hey, I think Bunim-Murray is looking for that, too! She gets up and leaves; he follows and begs her to go to the dance with him. She beelines it for Julie; The Missing Link calls after her, calling her "Unnamed Goddess Girl."

Cut to Julie and Tyra walking up the stairs while Julie asks Tyra who the tool is. And I have to beg your pardon because it's hard to concentrate on what either of these two is saying because of the quadruple whammy of their luscious bosoms. It's like I somehow got trapped inside an issue of Maxim. Tyra tells Julie that the guy calling after her is "just some douchebag named Chip." Julie says that "he's okay." Jules! No! Julie tells Tyra that Landry wants to ask her to the dance, and Tyra's ten-foot-long neck expresses dismay. She slowly asks Julie if she can keep something private, and Julie is like, "What? About you and Landry having a thing?" Tyra wants to know where she heard, and Julie assures her that such news is not all over the school. Julie blabbers on about orchids while Tyra continues trying to deny her relationship with Landry. Julie asks Tyra if she likes Landry, and Tyra smiles and says that he's funny and sweet and funny. Julie asks, "So, then, what's the problem?" Tyra has no answer.

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Friday Night Lights




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