Game of Thrones
What Is Dead May Never Die

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B | 5 USERS: A
Who's That Giant Lady?

Next, Tyrion has basically the same conversation with Varys. Well, without the laxative potion. But this time, Myreclla's being married off to Theon Greyjoy. Varys asks why Theon, since he's basically a Stark. Tyrion explains that with Theon allied with Myrcella, Balon will jump at the chance to attack the North.

Naturally, we now have the same scene but with Petyr Littlefinger. This time, Tyrion claims that he wants to marry Myrcella to Robyn Arryn of the Vale. That strikes Littlefinger as odd, since it wasn't so long ago that Robyn was shrieking at his mother to drop Tyrion through that hole at the bottom of his throne room. Tyrion claims that this plan will get Robyn's mother Lysa to forgive him. That seems unlikely, since the thing she's supposed to be forgiving him for is "killing her husband." I mean, I personally don't think Tyrion did that, but Lysa does and she's crazy. Littlefinger asks if he is to broker the agreement. Tyrion answers, "Who better?" Littlefinger is supposedly obsessed with money, so naturally, he asks, "What's in it for me?" Tyrion offers a couple of options. The gratitude of the people of Westeros? The adoration of the King? Neither of these seems to move Littlefinger. Well, how about giving him this place called Harrenhal? He says it's cursed. What if Tyrion made him Lord of the Riverlands? Littlefinger is a little suspicious, since he says this would make him one of the greatest lords in the realm. And the last man to get Harrenal was Janos Slynt, who was last seen being hustled out to the Night's Watch in the middle of the night. But Littlefinger's okay with opening negotiation. Tyrion reminds him, "The Queen mustn't know."

So clearly, Tyrion has a devious plan. But it's pretty obvious how it works when you get to see all the steps, so I'm not going to explain it. If you haven't figured it out on your own, we'll pick this up later in the episode.

Back to Renly Baratheon's camp! Specifically, inside Renly's tent. Renly and Loras make out with much kissing and shirtlessness. This is to remind you that they're gay, because you probably forgot about that scene in the first season. With the sound effects. Loras is bruised on the chest because of that fight earlier and objects to Loras kissing him there. Now he's all sulky. He's annoyed by Brienne becoming a member of the Kingsguard, which he thinks was a slap in the face. See? Loras agrees with me about it being a little emasculating to have him be the one who lost to Brienne. Renly says he's jealous. "Of Brienne the Beauty? Don't make me laugh." Now that he's in a bad mood, Loras stops Renly from undoing his pants. He tells Renly he needs to attend to "another Tyrell." Renly married Loras's sister two weeks ago and she's still officially a virgin. People are starting to talk. He needs to get that done.

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Game of Thrones




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