Gilmore Girls
A Tale Of Poes And Fire

Episode Report Card
Pamie: A | 3 USERS: A+
The Tell-Tale Episode

Chilton. A teacher announces the last midterm of their high school careers. It's a little late for midterms, isn't it? True to Chilton fashion, before the calculus teacher can say another word or teach one fact, the bell rings. The students gather their books. The calculus teacher stops everybody and announces that it's another banner year for Chilton grads getting into top colleges. She congratulates everyone who has heard, and advises patience for those who have not. She looks right at Louisa on this one, who looks back, worried. The teacher says that nobody has ever escaped Chilton without going on to some awesome school, if that's what he or she wanted. Then the teacher takes an awkward moment to announce that one of them has been accepted to Harvard (gee, who could that be? Why be so secretive, Math Lady? Everybody knows, since it was announced on C-SPAN last week). Then she gets even more annoying with that pretentious way of speaking: "It's an immense honor, that." It's shitty to the other students, that. Rory asks Louisa and Fraulein if they've heard from Paris, who hasn't been in school in five days. Louisa and Fraulein look around, just now noticing that Paris hasn't been in school. Louisa comments that it did seem like there was a lot more air in there. Rory takes her time grabbing her backpack, thinking and planning, pro-ing and con-ing.

In this ultra-linear episode, cut to Paris, who is flat on her bed, watching soaps. I guess Rory doesn't really need to hurry up and go home to help her mom, because she's outside Paris's front door. Poor Paris. Rory lets herself in and shows Paris the stack of homework she brought her. Paris puts it to the side. She tells Rory that her soap's starting. Rory asks if Paris is sick. "You know what's wrong," Paris says. "You of all people." She forces Rory to admit that she got accepted to Harvard, saying she can see her Harvard Glow all over her. Paris also has a bulletin board filled with Harvard paraphernalia. Harvard has made a pretty dime off this show. Paris says that her parents are out of town, she's been having her nanny hold her calls and mail, and she's been "totally Howard Hughes-ing it." She hasn't told her parents about Harvard. Paris says she can get an apartment in Cambridge, buy a Harvard sweatshirt, and talk about Mira Sorvino a lot -- her parents would never know the difference. She told her mother about having sex with Jamie, and her only reaction was to tell Paris how her father hasn't pleased her in fifteen years. I know only too well the conversation Paris is talking about. Paris complains and moans, wondering what happened, blaming her parents for not putting her in the right pre-schools. Paris says she found the spot in her interviews she's sure doomed her. Rory can't believe Paris taped her interview. Paris's plan was to archive her Harvard journey and then donate the tapes and scrapbooks to the college after her demise. On the tape, Paris is ranting about population control, talking a mile a minute, interrupting the interviewer to make her point. "I sound like a meth addict," she concludes after she stops the tape. Rory gives Paris a big pep talk, telling her to call Jamie so he doesn't think she hates him. Rory says she's got to tell her parents about Harvard, and she's got to get out of bed, read her mail, and find out where she's going to go to college. She tells Paris to get a life plan. Paris says there's no alternative to Harvard. Rory lists off five schools that are. Paris says she's not getting up right now, and will watch her soap until Adriana's wrongful assault charge is overturned. Rory says she understands. Paris thanks her. Rory leaves. Paris grabs a book off the stack of homework.

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Gilmore Girls




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