Gilmore Girls
Bridesmaids Revisited

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Never The Bride

Rory and Logan walk into what I assume is the family's club where Honor's wedding is being held. Rory says that the place is like a labyrinth. "Just keep your hand on one side of the wall and keep walking," Logan tells her. "Eventually you'll find your way out, or get eaten by a Minotaur." They run into Josh, who has lost his cufflinks and suspects thievery. Logan says he'll take him off to find them, being an expert at finding things, and Rory starts looking around for the library, where she plans to do some work. She doesn't make it, however, and is quickly swept up by the bride and bridesmaids, all wearing curlers and sweats and HIDEOUS fur boots, in wedding-prep mode. Honor insists that Rory come and hang out with them while they get ready. She says that the bridesmaids have all been drinking champagne: "I need you to be my designated dresser. You can't say no to the bride!" Rory gives in.

In the dressing room, Honor introduces Rory to the stupid bridesmaids who are all stupid and drunk. Rory takes off her coat, revealing a very pretty dress which is unfortunately about four inches too long, making her appear to be a child playing dress-up. "Is that Carolina's?" one of the bridesmaids asks. "No," Rory answers, all uncomfortable. "It's mine." We're supposed to think Rory, who is always impeccably and expensively wardrobed, didn't get that question? Come on. ["I think she probably meant that it wasn't designer, but was too embarrassed to admit that her mother made it. And I also thought the dress was pretty except for (a) that hideous, saggy bow under her boobs, and (b) Alexis Bledel's atrocious posture." -- Wing Chun] Honor introduces her to the hairdresser, who is allegedly supposed to be the greatest of all time -- a claim I will very soon put to pasture, seeing as how these bridesmaids will soon feature some of the worst hair I have ever seen. Honor makes a toast to new and old friends, and they all giggle and act dumb, especially the one named Walker. Rory seems to be having fun.

At Lorelai's house, Chris is dropping Gigi off for babysitting. He has to call her in from the yard, where she is chasing a cat that Lorelai warns him scratches, bites, and sprays. When she comes to the door and Chris suggests that she give Lorelai a hug hello, she SCREAMS no, throws her coat on the floor, and runs to the television. Chris asks her please to come back and pick up her jacket, but of course she doesn't and he doesn't go and snatch her by her pigtails to come back and do it. Lorelai uncomfortably bends to pick it up, instead, and Chris thanks her for watching his terrible kid. Lorelai says she's looking forward to it. She's found all sorts of games to play, including parts of both Candyland and Battleship. "Which I figure," she says, "we can mix together to form a fabulous new game, Candyship Battleland. War never tasted so good!" HA! Awesome. Not awesome: Gigi, who is already watching TV, and shushes Lorelai when she comes over to sit with her. "Oh, Full House," Lorelai says. "You know, I think the Olsen twins weigh less now than they did on that show." Gigi -- who is supposed to be three, but looks five -- gives Lorelai the glare of death. "Right," Lorelai says. "I get it. I don't like it when people talk to me while I'm watching TV, either."

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Gilmore Girls

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