Gilmore Girls
French Twist

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: C+ | 3 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
Isn't It Romantic?

...but moments later, we see that it isn't working. Never have two people been more wide awake. I'm not sure, but it may have something to do with the fact that they are both fully clothed. "I'm so wide awake I could watch the Ken Burns documentary of sod," Lorelai says, "and not drift off." Having counted one hundred and four fleur de lis stenciled on the ceiling, Christopher declares that Paris, the world's greatest city, has surely got one restaurant open, somewhere, with great food and soft lighting, and that they're going to find it. "Besides," he adds, smarming all the way, "just being out in the Paris streets late at night...what could be more romantic?" Lorelai: "Being out in the Paris streets, late at night, eating a big, fat cheeseburger." Yes, yes, it's all very cute, whatever but...again, am I really supposed to feel happy that Lorelai and Christopher are all cutesy wootsy in Paris? Really? Because I don't.

Rory is alone at her apartment and decides to call Lucy and Olivia. "What's Lucy doing?" Rory asks Olivia, who is making an arty mobile for her sister's baby. "Watching Real World Denver," says Olivia, adding that Lucy is eating it up, since "Boyfriend" is out of town and he hates reality TV: "I keep forgetting you still haven't met Boyfriend." Rory says that she's beginning to wonder if, in fact, Boyfriend is really real, or maybe just Lucy's Snuffleupagus. Listen, writers of this show, don't try to make me "aw" out loud over a Snuffleupagus reference. You can't charm me with Sesame Street after all this Christopher stuff! Yada yada, Lucy simpers in, and they all decide they want to get off-campus for the weekend. Rory suggests her house in Stars Hollow, where they can sit on the charmingly creaky porch swing. "When we get there," says Olivia, "I'm definitely mixing up a batch of lemonade and flirting with Slim the hired hand." Rory says that Slim the hired hand is a hottie, but that he's missing a hand: "Ironic, isn't it?" Cute, but what's ironic is how, this season, they've made me like Rory again, while Lorelai is practically unrecognizable.

Speaking of Lorelai, she and Christopher are now running desperately through the streets of Paris, looking for food. They chase after one guy, trying to get a clue as to where he got his sandwich, and instead of just going in the direction whence the guy came, they wander in front of a bakery, where the owner is loading his trucks with fresh loaves for delivery. Mmmmm. Lorelai, in an attempt to communicate, gives him the international symbol for "I am wicked starvin'," including the hungry-tummy rub, complete with sound effects. They guy loves it! "Funny Americaaaans," he says to their great gastronomical disappointment. "Everybodeee Looves Raymond!" Their carb-y hopes dashed, Christopher and Lorelai watch him drive away. Christopher turns back to see Lorelai with actual tears in her starry eyes. She's obviously deluded from hunger, because this whole thing has caused her to fondly remember this one time in tenth grade when she had to make up an exam "for some reason" during lunch, and when she came out of the classroom, Chris had been there with a slice of pepperoni in his pocket. First of all, she no doubt had to make up her test because she had, like, a prenatal scan or something, and secondly, and much more ridiculous: a slice of pizza in his POCKET? Huh? I hate to bust on this scene because, truly, Lauren Graham is downright moving in it, but listen, LG, one slice of twenty-two-year-old lint pizza is not going to change my mind about Christopher, no matter how many tears you cry. "Even then," says Lorelai wistfully, "you were so sweet." Wait a second...even then, when? When he like, never wanted to be in Rory's life for years on end? Chris and Lorelai pause for a few moments staring at each other all romantical. "Head back to the hotel?" suggests Chris, and off they go to get it on.

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