Gilmore Girls
Gilmore Girls Only

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Al Lowe: B | 2 USERS: A+
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Ladies' Night

For example, the girls do indeed take Emily's car, but are forced to ride along with her at the wheel, driving 40 miles per hour down the interstate. "Mom," says Lorelai, "if you're going to go this slowly, you should really put your hazards on. By the time we get there, North Carolina will be under a sea of floating ice caps." Not only must they endure her slow driving and self-centered demands, but Emily apparently also has no qualms about bashing Mia -- even going so far as to snidely deride Mia's fiancé, Howard, for having what she describes as "not a noble name." Probably contemplating throwing herself onto the highway, Lorelai cracks the window, only to be admonished by Emily. They get into a classic window battle, which Emily ultimately wins by putting on the child locks. Rory simply smirks to herself in the back seat, whereas I would have already killed them both. Emily avoids this fate by asking Rory what she plans to do after graduation. Rory gives her the rundown of the three papers she previously mentioned in the dressing rooms. "Well, I'm not sure about the Seattle paper," Emily says, raising her eyebrows, "and the Chronicle is dreadful, but the Detroit paper is quite reputable." Yes, I'm sure Emily spends a great deal of time reading about the goings-on in Detroit. Whatev. Lorelai has a brainwave: "You know else are reputable papers? The New York Times, The Boston Globe, The Hartford Courant!" Rory smirks further, agreeing that those are all great, PLUS they're just a short drive each from Stars Hollow. "Oh, well," Lorelai laughs, "that never occurred to me, but now that you mention it, yeah..." RUN, RORY. Go all the way to The London Times if you can figure out how to do it -- just get away from these fools for a while. Let Emily and Lorelai have their inevitable Matrix-like showdown and get out of the way. Lorelai, still working on a poem for the toast she's to give at Mia's wedding, suddenly remembers The Skirf! Her first sewing project, a skirt for Rory, was such a disaster that Mia had to make her feel better about it by putting it on Rory's head and calling it a whole new invention -- a skirf. Emily bites her tongue to try and hid her jealousy, failing miserably. She gets her revenge by cranking up some Oklahoma!.

Luke is at Lane and Zach's, where everyone is so chipper and giggly that I suspect, for a few minutes, that Zach has secretly made them all pot brownies for dessert. Lane has released herself from bedrest, having reached her due date. "Now I want them to come out!" she says, pouring Luke some coffee. "I guess they can come out whenever they want," says Luke, "as long as we're finished with dinner." These are the jokes, people -- and they get worse. Speaking of dinner, Luke thanks Lane for a great meal, and apologizes for bringing over a bottle of wine, which she can't drink. "No, it's okay," Lane assures him. "Besides, they say one of the things you can do to induce labor is have a glass of wine." Well, that's not true at all, but what Zach says -- "[wine], or sex"' -- is more widely touted as true. Poor Todd Lowe-no-relation. His discomfort at having to look Luke in the face as he grips Lane's hand and says he's going to have sex with her is palpable. ["And since when does Lane like sex?" -- Wing Chun] And pity Luke, also, who has to get all eyebrow-raisey and come back with "well, I'm only going to help you with the wine." Ew! Lane giggles, but surely if she were not mentally deranged from being pregnant she would stab them both. Luke says that he's got to get going so he can get up early, but Zach insists that he stay for some homemade peach pie. "You made a peach pie?" he asks Lane, surprised and proud. "Well, actually," Zach explains, "you made it, at the diner, which is technically your home, but I paid for it, I swear." Luke thanks them, again, for having him over for such a nice meal, and Zach goes full-on stalker on him, saying that well Luke means so much to both of them. "We feel really close to you," he says, "and not just, you know, employees." Luke looks uncomfortable, but shrugs, "Yeah, me, too." Lane says it's just that she and Zach don't have much family: "I mean, I've got my mom, but she's not so much a family member as she is a probation officer." Aw. Mean. Zach, also, is dad-free. His father ran off when he was ten: "No note, no nothing, so I got the feeling he didn't want me to follow him." Aw. Sad. Luke is looking even more nervous. "You guys need money or something?" he finally asks. Zach steels himself and drops the question. He and Lane want him to be godfather to their sons. Luke is surprised, and reacts as though they had, in fact, asked him to loan them a few grand. I mean, I know Zach can be annoying, but doesn't Luke love Lane? Well, now that I think about it, maybe he just knows the definition of "godparent," unlike other residents of Stars Hollow. In any case, after several weird moments where it seems like he's really debating it, Luke finally, reluctantly agrees. Nice. Lane and Zach don't seem to notice that he's being sort of a dick about it, and high-five in celebration. I really wanted that to be much sweeter. What is wrong with Luke?

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Gilmore Girls

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