Gilmore Girls
I Solemnly Swear

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C | 1 USERS: D+
Bossy Ladies

Chilton. Whatever day this is. Francie watches Paris walk into the bathroom and follows her. She says she "so" needs to talk to her. "Are you lost?" Francie bitches at some random Chilton girl who promptly jets out of there. I'm sure you all know what's happening here, but Francie pulls out photographs of her meeting with Rory in a suspicious parking garage, shaking hands. She says that the pictures were shoved into her locker this morning as blackmail, so she decided to come clean and explain so that Paris never questions where her loyalties lie. Francie tells a bullshit story about Rory coming to her, wanting to do things without Paris, saying, "Paris is just too wrapped up in that boyfriend of hers to care about anything." At the word "boyfriend," Paris is visibly hurt. She tells Francie she's not mad and leaves. Francie tosses the photos away, gloating about how easy that was.

Get ready for lame. Fencing class. Louisa's wearing curlers in her hair so that she doesn't get helmet hair. Fraulein gives a brief history about Striptease Aerobics that was so factually inaccurate that my friend in New York had to email to tell me that Striptease Aerobics actually originated in his gym. I guess people in New York, they love their gyms. Like gang turf. Sharks, Jets, Crunch, Golds. Paris arrives tardy, pissy at Rory. For some reason, they're partners. Do they ever spend a minute without each other? The Fencing teacher starts with giving them orders, but then as Paris starts to fence for real, and Rory starts to get frightened, the teacher just stands back and watches. What shitty faculty Chilton has. These parents should sue, what with the tuition costs and all. Paris and Rory fence and fence and fence as Rory plays Little Miss Innocent (Paris names it the "I'm Rory, Don't You Want To Pet Me?" face, which is a good name for it) and Paris is Burning with anger. Where's the teacher? Rory admits that she met with Francie, but that it wasn't what Paris thinks. Paris calls Rory "Brutus" and does some kind of parry thing that causes Rory to fall back. Now the entire class is watching them fence like a fight has broken out, and the teacher's just standing there, looking like she's eight. Rory and Paris take off their masks and have an uncomfortable bit of blocking where they're holding their masks with one hand, their foils in another, and they're trying to look like they're struggling while saying lines. Paris tells Rory she knows Francie's setting Rory up. That's not the problem. The problem is that Rory was talking to Francie behind Paris's back in the first place. Paris slices and dices, accusing Rory of both betraying her and trying to sell her out. Rory loses her sword; Paris chases her and somehow nobody's in detention, suspension, or expulsion. Paris chases Rory around the room until Rory falls like a weak horror-film teen. She takes off her mask. Paris says the worst is that Rory told Francie about Jamie. "I can't believe I ever considered you my best friend," Paris says, holding back tears. She storms out. Class dismissed, y'all. That teacher should be fired.

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Gilmore Girls




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