Gilmore Girls
Introducing Lorelai Planetarium

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The Planetarium Story

Well, the hour has come at Lorelai's. Rory arrives to find Lorelai in...an apron? "What?" Lorelai responds, like it's normal. "I've been cooking snails...dealing with snail spatter." Rory says she thought the whole "cooking snails" thing was just a euphemism. Lorelai: "A euphemism? For what?" Rory: "I don't know. Ordering a pizza?" Exactly. But, no. Now we all know: cooking snails = dropping the news that you married your kid's dad. Rory excitedly asks for details of the Paris excursion, but Lorelai avoids it a little longer, pouring wine and trying to distract Rory with snails. Rory passes, saying that she had a big lunch of bugs and lizards, so she's full. Christopher, sensing Lorelai's impending breakdown, volunteers to try one, reporting that it tastes "like a buttered Gummi Bear." ["I can't disapprove of any vehicle for garlic and butter, people." -- Wing Chun] Rory asks again what Chris and Lorelai got up to in France and finally, Lorelai takes a big breath and lets it out: "Well, here it is: while we were in France, your dad and I, we...got married." Rory is, as would be expected, shocked. Her face goes through several emotions before she can finally force a smile and a "Wow! Hey, that's so great!" Her eyes are so sad as she valiantly tries to ask for details -- thinking they had gone off to Paris with a plan to get married without telling her. Lorelai assures Rory that it was a spontaneous thing, and tries to kind of make excuses for the whole experience, seeing how sad Rory really is. Apparently, the ceremony was in French. "There's only a 90% chance we're actually married," jokes Chris.

Christopher, natch, believes that Rory thinks the news is great, and goes out to the garage to get champagne from the cooler. Of course, Lorelai is no fool when it comes to her daughter's feelings, and once he's gone, she asks Rory, "Well?" Rory admits it: she's mad. "I can't believe that you did this," she says, cutting Lorelai off repeatedly when she tries to explain, saying she can't get into it now since Chris is about to come back in. Now, see, if she felt close to her father at all, wouldn't she have a conversation with them both about it immediately? It breaks my heart a little how Lorelai looks at Rory, knowing she's upset.

Later, at the launch party, Rory spills it all to Logan: "Not only did she make snails, she got married. In France. To my dad." Logan: "Wow." No kidding. He is extremely sweet to Rory, seeing she's disturbed by it all, and tries to take her outside to talk about it. She says that she's okay: she's still processing, and she'll be fine to stay at the party. Why am I finding Logan and Rory so infernally cute? I wanted to stuff him in a Birkin bag last season and bury it in a mountain of hair-gel-eating rats! But now? Totally presh, both of them. Whither the rage? I don't know, people. I'm drunk on cranberry sauce. Oh my God, I just thought of something so gross. Vodka and cranberry sauce SHOOTERS. Am I the first one ever to think of such a delicious monstrosity? A Thanksgiving-themed booze concoction? Please tell me I just invented this and that I will now subsequently become a zillionaire when I introduce it to the world with a chaser of...okay, hold on, I thought of an even better one: The Gravyboat. Recipe: Drop a shot glass full of your grandmother's gravy into a tumbler of Wild Turkey, rim the glass with butter, and slam it! Are you gagging?! I ask you, why don't I have my own show on the Food Network?

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