Gilmore Girls
It Should've Been Lorelai

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WPM? A Billion.

The debate starts. We can see that Brad from the Romeo and Juliet fiasco has indeed changed schools and is now going to be debating Rory and Paris. He says he loves his new school because it's "way more mellow" and he made a "ton of new friends." Isn't that how all teens talk? Fer sure, mad peeps. Brad pretty much breaks into hives the moment he sees Paris walk onstage. Brad's debate partner's name is Nancy. She tells Brad that he looks sick. He says he feels sick. When Rory's and Paris's names are announced, Sookie and Lorelai break into giant TRL-worthy "woo"ing. They stop when nobody else joins in. Sookie asks if they weren't supposed to do that. Lorelai hopes that nobody noticed them. As they set up, Paris whispers to Rory that she complimented a judge's outfit yesterday and now she loves Paris. After a flip of a coin (where Brad just chooses whichever one he thinks Paris wants him to choose), Paris and Rory get to choose their side and start first. Paris chooses "Pro assisted suicide" and they get started. Rory talks first. Paris starts snapping, trying to get Rory to talk faster. Lorelai comments that Brad is shaking. He does indeed look horrible. Christopher walks in at the back of the room. Lorelai somehow senses this and turns to see him. He waves. She waves back. Enter the girlfriend, just as Rory says the word "euthanasia." Commercial break.

Brad and Nancy are now sobbing as Paris tears down all of their arguments. Sookie turns around and catches a glance at the girlfriend without being subtle at all. "Hey, Circus Lady!" Lorelai says. "What's with the contortions?" Sookie admits she's trying to sneak a peek. Lorelai says that Sookie isn't sneaking at all, and adds that she's not curious, since they'll meet the girlfriend very soon. Lorelai then drops a hankie to the ground and catches a glance at the lady. A hankie? Paris runs out of time in her rebuttal. Paris asks if she can get a bit more time to address one of the opposing team's issues. "We take it back!" Brad shouts. Paris says they can't take it back, since it's a debate. The judge says there has been enough cruelty for one day and grants Paris's team the victory. Paris thanks the crowd. They clap. Paris shakes the hands of Brad and Nancy, who are still in shambles. Rory offers to hug Brad. He says he'd rather sit there quietly. End of scene.

Out in the hall, Sookie and Lorelai stare at Christopher and the girlfriend and then hide behind a wall. Sookie says that the girlfriend has good hair. Plus, she's been sitting for an hour and there isn't one wrinkle on her dress. Lorelai says that she must be a witch. Sookie adds that she's getting away with not wearing any pantyhose. "Good hair, wrinkle-free, no-hose-wearing witch," Lorelai concludes.

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Gilmore Girls

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