Gilmore Girls
Last Week Fights, This Week Tights

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B | 5 USERS: A+
Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peaceth

Jess comes downstairs, saying he's got to go get some batteries. I know that it's for the boombox of love, but because I wanna say it: Dirty! Liz wants to introduce her son to her friends, even though they would have already met, I thought. Luke warns Jess to watch out for Slutty Carrie. The girls are inappropriate when they meet their friends' son, undressing him with their eyes. Liz brags that Jess is going to walk her down the aisle. Jess grumps that it's no big deal. Liz says it's a very big deal. A delivery man shows up, saying he's got a very important package to deliver. Jess high-tails it out of there, leaving Luke trapped in his (apparently closed) diner just before the delivery man takes off all his clothes and starts grinding to "Relax" on Liz's lap. Through the window Jess waves to Luke. Heh. Dude, though. I said it in the recaplet but I'll say it again. Get that man's oily package off the table, skanky ladies. Kirk eats eggs there. Luke asks the stripper not to shake it in his diner. The girls hold up twenties and demand singles from Luke. Liz dances in that thumbs-up way that white girls do as the stripper puts his hat on her and dances away. I wish the stripper were yet another DeLuise making an appearance.

Whenever I see an actor having to be a stripper, or who has one line like, "More pepper, sir?" I always imagine that actor calling his parents going, "Mom! I did it! I booked a show! I'm going to be on television! Tuesday night!" Then the parents have a bunch of their friends over to watch and they see their son stripping in a hot pink Speedo while women scream. And then they turn to their friends and say, "He also has a degree in Business. This acting thing is just a hobby before he settles down. Do you want to see his report cards from high school? We had them framed." There's an ad for Six Flags near my house and it's a picture of a zombie in a bellman outfit gesturing to a doorway. That's the other actor I imagine calling his parents going, "I'm on a billboard all over Los Angeles! I'm unrecognizable and I'm a zombie but I MADE IT! I'M FAMOUS! I HAVE MY OWN BILLBOARD!" It's not unlike what I had to say to my parents five years ago, when I was like, "Mom and Dad! I get paid to write! It's something called a website, and it's like a newspaper or a magazine except it's on your computer. And I write about television, but I'm not actually affiliated with any television show. In fact, they don't want to have anything to do with me! But I'm a real writer. W-W-W-dot...yeah, you probably do need a pen. What? What do you mean 'the earlier letters'? Oh. H-T-T-P. And then there's a colon. It's shift and then the one next to 'L.' You know what? I'll just mail you a copy. No, it'll be a print-out. Yeah, it is really long. No, you don't have to read it. Ally McBeal. It's a television show. No, it's not dirty. Never mind. Yes, IBM is great. No, I might get a raise in six months. My evaluation is coming up. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, my 401K is important. Okay. You too. Bye, now."

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Gilmore Girls




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