Gilmore Girls
The Real Paul Anka

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B+ | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Please Stand Up

Lane and Lorelai are interrupted during this freakout when Lorelai sees a reflection of her parents in the store window as they wander the streets of Stars Hollow. She wigs and tells Lane she's got to go. Lorelai gets around the corner in search of her parents, when Lane pulls another sneak attack, this time waving cash. "I'm not above bribing," she says. "It's all about the Hamilton's, baby!" Lane tells Lorelai to forget about her parents for a minute and concentrate on this dress situation. "Wait," Lorelai says, relieved. "So, you saw them, too? I'm not insane?" Lane says that they've been walking around town all morning, sometimes with Kirk, who was wearing his real estate blazer. "Any guess as to why?" Lorelai says, panicked. "Shred the dress," Lane answers, all sinister. "And I'll tell you." Lorelai asks if she really knows, and Lane has to admit that she doesn't. Lorelai takes off at a run to try to figure out this mystery -- surely she should have felt her parents' presence when the entered the city limits. That icy wind. That smell of sulfur.

Back at Yale, we see a quick scene of Logan packing and leaving for his trip. Rory stands across the room with her arms crossed, and they say a hollow goodbye.

Lorelai is on the hunt for Kirk, whom she finds in an abandoned house he refers to as his first listing. He ignores her repeated questions about the whereabouts of her parents as he tries to sell her the house. It apparently has everything imaginable wrong with it, which he is required by law to list out. The best is that it was the recent sight of a Wicca convention, and a particularly grisly murder-suicide. "Nothing," Kirk says, "we can't work with." Lorelai tells him that she's not in the market, and asks again about her parents, wanting to know where they are. He tries to tell her it's confidential information. As rats and bats scurry and fly around the room, Lorelai insists that he tell her where the elder Gilmores are. He finally gives it up, saying that he knows they were looking at two properties on Maple Drive. "Too bad I couldn't get them interested in this property," he says. "It has great bones. Literally. There's an Indian burial ground underneath it."

Meanwhile, Rory is at her apartment, and, bringing in her mail, she discovers an invitation from Jess to the opening of his new store. She smiles a knowing smile.

Lorelai sees her parents across the street on Maple Drive and fakes surprise at finding them there. Richard tries to come up with some reason that they're there, and Emily jumps in, saying that they're antiquing. Lorelai keeps the wide-eyed thing going, saying that they have awesome antique stores in Stars Hollow -- that Madison House is particularly good. Lorelai says that she can take them there right now. "Oh, uh..." both Grandparents respond. Emily says that they have an appointment to keep. They do a bad job of trying to cover, saying that they have a private appointment at an antiques store. "They're only expecting two of us," Richard says. Lorelai, still full of mock innocence, says that surely they won't mind if she comes along, especially if she promises not to break anything. They put her off again, saying that the appointment is not really for a while, which gives Lorelai the perfect moment to force their hands on making the ten-minute walk to Madison House with her. Lorelai now begins her Campaign of Denigration on Stars Hollow. She describes, to Richard and Emily's increasing horror, the bad traffic and how it surely won't be getting any better, as soon as they build that "big box store" in the middle of the town. "Those things are hideous," Richard declares, and Lorelai nods, telling them to hold their breath because of the sewer odor. Richard grows more concerned, saying that Lorelai needs to notify the public works department if there are sewer problems. "No," Lorelai says, "they're on strike. Well, they're always on strike." She coughs now, asking them to excuse her. "Allergies?" Emily asks. Lorelai shakes her head. "Meth lab." Very cute scene.

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