Gilmore Girls
You Jump, I Jump, Jack

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C | 5 USERS: A-
Being An Asshole Is Really Expensive

Who's cooler than M. Giant? Nobody. He recapped with a newborn in his arms. I had no excuse to skip a recap, when compared to that. I'm terrified to take another week off. Who will they give the recap to next? Sars while she's in the dentist chair? Sara M while she's driving a car full of her family members? Stee at his bachelor party? Hmm. On second thought, I might have to skip next week's recap. Wing, you'd better set Stee up with some kind of recap webcam.

Let me paint for you the picture of me recapping tonight, because I want your fullest sympathy. I'm alone. It's a Saturday night. I have a bottle of wine and a bowl of popcorn, and I'm not afraid to use them. Due to the insanity known as my life, which is currently filled with such joyous occasions as new homeownership, planning a wedding, turning in a manuscript, pitching a movie, writing a screenplay, and recapping the seven hundredth season of Gilmore Girls, there are times when the only spare time I have is the time I'm supposed to be either sleeping or drinking heavily to pretend I'm not three things behind on my to-do list. There are about twenty people coming over tomorrow. I must turn this in before they get here, and then talk to myself for about an hour, preparing for a meeting on Monday where I will be performing a song and dance for Warner Brothers. You don't have to care about my schedule; I just want you to know that when I have no time for Rory's pouting, it's because homegirl's infringing on my personal time. So, I'll start the recap, since it's the only way I can finish the recap, which is my big to-do checkbox for tonight. Saturday-night recapping. I have hit a new low.

Previously: Luke plus Lorelai. Lane plus Zack. Richard minus Emily. Rory is less than or equal to Dean. Tristan x Jess = Logan. Rory(Deadlines) - Downloading Music = Lame Subplot That Will Become a Tedious Part of Tonight's Episode. Pam + 4 (Years of High School Latin) = Agricolae sunt in via. Call me Nuwanda, but if Logan's a huge legacy at Yale, and Richard's also a big Yalie, shouldn't Rory already know about this "super-secret society"? I mean, I didn't go to Harvard, yet I know a couple of certain somebodies who are part of their "super-secret society."

Emily's. New maid. Lorelai is late, wearing a dress that makes me shake my head in disapproval (and I'm alone, just to reiterate), already in mid-excuse. It seems as though not everyone who has a "Honk if you love..." bumper sticker actually enjoys being honked at. So while M. Giant was recapping with M. Tiny by his side, at that exact same moment, I was walking in New York City, somewhere in the East Village or...Little Italy...HoJo?...NoGo?...IDo'No? Anyway, I was walking somewhere in Manhattan, and as my friend (who I keep referencing here because he's Michel without the accent) was talking, I noticed a woman walking toward me who looked familiar. I thought, "Did I go to high school with her? College? Man, she looks familiar. But she doesn't seem to think I look familiar, and she's talking to someone, so I'll just stand here and listen to my friend." So the pretty lady walks past, all pretty and really quite skinny, and after she passes, my other friend grabs my arm and goes, "That was her, right? That was her?" And I'm all, "Who?" because I can't wait to find out which old friend I'm going to have a reunion with in Times Square or Union Square or Chinatown Square or I-really-need-to-buy-a-map. And he gives me this look, this look of such disappointment, and says, "Isn't it your job to know when Lauren Graham walks right past you?" I'm awesome! And since I'm now resigned to the fact that I'm going to be here all night, just me and you guys who I'll never meet, I might as well turn this recap into a drinking game. Now, I have only done this once before, and it met with serious consequences, but I'm older now, and perhaps wiser. Because I have to keep typing, I should make a very shorthanded version of this drinking game. Okay: for every outfit Lorelai wears, I will take one drink. For every time Rory tucks her hair back, I will take one drink. For every time mfTL says "Dude," I will take one drink. And finally, for every strummy-strummy-la-la, I will take a drink. I'm hoping I will make it through this episode semi-sober, at least enough to turn in the recap. That would be embarrassing. Here goes.

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Gilmore Girls




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