Episode Report Card
Demian: D- | Grade It Now!
A Night Of CRAP
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

I should have known what a disaster this evening would end up being the instant the camera snapped open on Mr. Schue scrawling the following on a whiteboard:

"5,000 x .25 = 20,000"

I just...I just can't. Can we pretend tonight never happened? You know, skip right to the end where I tell you all about next week's 90-minute extravaGaganza and then direct you towards the e-mail address I haven't checked in three years? No?


"All right!" the innumerate dumbass now plaguing my television screen with his abject stupidity enthuses as he turns away from the mathematical atrocity he's just perpetrated against all that is right and holy. "We need five thousand dollars to pay for our trip to Nationals in New York!" the innumerate dumbass continues, and he would babble on for several minutes as is his wont, I'm sure, were it not for the fact that Quinn raises her voice at this point to rightly inquire, "What happened to the money we got from the Cheerios?" Mr. Schue's absolutely ridiculous answer to this? "I guess Sue was hiding it in an offshore account in the Cayman Islands, and we're having some trouble accessing some of it." "Well," Mr. Schue admits as Rachel, Lauren, and Mercedes gawp at him from the peanut gallery, "any of it." But fear not, for Mr. Schue has concocted a brilliant scheme to compensate for the missing funds: The children are to go from classroom to classroom selling twenty-five-cent pieces of saltwater taffy to their peers. Twenty thousand twenty-five-cent pieces of saltwater taffy. To the peers that routinely pelt them with iced-over high-fructose corn syrup and shoes.

Are we sure I can't just skip to the end already?

Double fuck.

Santana Lopez, bless her, openly sneers at Mr. Schue as she wonders, "Do you honestly think we can sell twenty thousand anythings?" "I mean," she continues, "we won Regionals for the first time since dinosaurs roamed the planet, and I still got a freaking Cherry Icee facial!"

Smear sideways to Dave Karofsky delivering said Cherry Icee facial at some point in the indeterminate past, and I don't know if it's the thicker consistency of this particular super-strength Slushie compared to the gruel-like weaklings we've seen recently on this show, or if it's the amped-up sound effects we get when the frigid slop hits Santana's face, or if it's the entirely serendipitous way the whole thing sort of geysers up on impact only to rain back down on her in tiny droplets, as if adding delicious cherry-flavored insult to injury, but it's the funniest Slushie attack since the one Puck laid on Rachel way back during the series premiere. Hee. That said, Dave Karofsky's just thoroughly fucked himself, hasn't he? Discuss.

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