Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | Grade It Now!
It's Brittany, Bitch
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

"Awriiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Mr. Schue overenthusiastically opens the episode. "Who can tell me who Christopher Cross is?" No one under the age of forty, that's for damn sure, and even that's pushing it. Proving me right, our dear little Brit-Brit guesses, "He discovered America." Finn, naturally, nods his head eagerly in agreement. Mr. Schue, to his credit, barely rolls his eyes at their ignorance, and instead perks, "Close! He did write an iconic chart-topper, 'Sailing.'" "I have a bad feeling about this lesson," Kurt announces to whomever's sitting to his left while Single-T Tina, with her arms folded firmly across her chest, mutters, "Never heard of him, don't want to hear about him." Mr. Schue, deliberately deaf to the children's grumblings, lectures that while "some people think of the term 'Easy Listening' as a bad thing," good music can in fact be "controlled" and "restrained." Gaze fondly upon those last two adjectives, gentle reader, and then bid them farewell, for nothing that follows in this episode could ever be described by either.

Mr. Schue next passes out a set of sheet music to the kids. Finn takes one look at the lyrics and immediately wonders, "How can you get caught between the moon and New York City? They're, like, a hundred miles apart." And if that statement's any sort of reflection on Finn's grasp of spatial relations, no wonder he's such a sucky quarterback. "If I may?" Kurt interrupts with a delicate finger in the air. "I think I speak for all of us," he continues, "when I say it's not that we don't love the idea of spending a week on this silky-smooth Adult Contemporary; it's just that, as teens, this isn't the easiest music for us to relate to." Point to the precious adolescent queen. "However," Kurt adds, his face lighting up with excitement, "there's a burgeoning Facebook campaign that has swelled to over five members. Their ardent demand? That this week, at the fall homecoming assembly, the McKinley High School Glee Club perform a number by -- wait for it -- Ms. Britney Spears!" Various children delight at the very idea until Mr. Schue firmly shuts them all down with, "No, no, no -- I don't think she's a very good role model." And... point to Mr. Schue! That doesn't happen very often, now, does it?

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