Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 3 USERS: A
"What A Lovely Voice, But Who Cares?"
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

"Look at her," a contemptuous St. Gay Of Lima sneers via voiceover as The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway trills through a run of suspiciously high notes in front of a classroom of her enraptured peers. "This class is supposed to be free sing for everyone," St. Gay's Voiceover continues, "but Rachel hasn't stopped screeching like a third-rate Maria Callas since the bell rang." St. Gay has positioned himself far away from the rest of Rachel's eager audience, practically hugging the classroom's back wall, the better to seethe and sulk all by his superior lonesome as His Voiceover cattily snits, "Because I'm her best friend, I can say this: Rachel's always been a little insufferable, but ever since she won Winter Showcase, her ego and behavior are out of control!"

Cut to The Improbably Bohemian Loft, where St. Gay suffers in eye-rolling silence while The Horrible Hooker hogs the bathroom. "At home," His Voiceover carps, "she uses up all the hot water, leaves rings in the tub, and don't get me started on the hair extensions clogging the sink!"

Cut back to Fake Drama School In New York, where St. Gay's Voiceover crabs, "At school, she eschews my company and instead surrounds herself with easily-awed sycophants." The camera passes from St. Gay -- here again self-isolated against a far wall in the middle of some beige-toned student lounge -- to take in The Horrible Hooker and two of the sycophants in question, the first of whom shrieks something excited about an open casting call for the long-awaited revival of Funny Girl. With an extravagant show of modesty, The Horrible Hooker claims she couldn't possibly hold a candle to the show's incandescent original lead, which prompts the second sycophant to insist she audition immediately, as everyone knows she's "Barbra's heir-apparent."

Cut again to My Ancestral Homeland, where The Horrible Hooker holds up a series of pre-written signs informing St. Gay she'll not be answering her product-placed iPhone this evening, as she's saving her voice, and would he mind, terribly, taking down messages for her? "On some level," St. Gay's Voiceover hisses, "I always knew this would happen -- that as Rachel's star rose, so too would her prima donna-like tendencies."

Smear once more to the classroom from the top of this sequence. The Horrible Hooker finishes her aria, or whatever the hell it was, and as she basks in the ecstatic approval of her peers, the conniving St. Gay Of Lima shoots daggers at her through slitted eyes as His Voiceover, dripping with disdain, concludes, "Yes, it's become clear to me: This Sarah Brightman-in-training needs to be knocked down a few pegs, and I'm the only one who can do it!" Oh, blow it out your ass, you whiny little bitch. Also: Tonight's title card.

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