Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 71 USERS: B-
Return to Sender

Smear sideways to Gwyneth Paltrow lecturing a classroom full of dumbfounded students while dressed as "America's worst president," William Henry Harrison, until the police arrive to drag her away. Trust me: this schtick was way funnier three years ago.

Back in the present, Gwyneth Paltrow reveals she came a-running the instant she heard The Glee Club was in trouble, and when The Batshit Bimbo of Broadway fills her in on this week's assignment, Gwyneth Paltrow gags, "That's a terrible idea! Listen, that might be fine for you nerds, but when Holly Holliday is in town, this hot bitch is not looking in the rear view mirror -- she's looking forward!" And with that annoying statement thus so obnoxiously delivered, Gwyneth Paltrow barrels headlong into what ends up being this evening's final number, "Happy" from Pharrell Williams. And its fine, I guess, but the staging just repeats the aimless bopping-around-the-music-room choreography we saw in tonight's first musical number, so color me considerably underwhelmed. And the second it ends, we jet straight out into this evening's next commercial break.

McKinley High Locker Room. Coach Beiste has placed Dead Finn's football jersey in a display case, and we enter to find Old Puck staring at the holy relic in silence until Quinn materializes at his side. "He forgave us for what we did, right?" Puck asks. "A long time ago," Quinn assures him, and I have no idea if that's true or not, but more importantly: I don't care. Quinn then confirms that Gayface is on his way back to Yale, alone, and with that, we're off to...

...the music room, where Santana tells Brittany, "They can't just chain you to a calculator and keep you as their math monkey -- you need to be having a life. You need to be out in the world going to restaurants and concerts. And dating." And with that, we're back to...

...the locker room, where Puck barfs up something putrid about "soul mates," and then we're off to...

...the music room, where Brittany suddenly leans over to plant a sloppy wet one right on Santana's kisser. "That's a bad idea," Santana opines once she's managed to shove Brit-Brit's tongue out of her mouth, and then we're back to...

...the locker room, and you know what? To hell with this bullshit. I don't care how goddamn good Puck looks in his uniform, I am not listening to another single word of this crap. So, long story short: Puck and Brit-Brit offer themselves forever and always to Quinn and Santana, respectively, but only Quinn accepts. Well, you know. For now.

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