Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 4 USERS: B+
The Tribulation Of Saint Kurt
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

After the unnecessary previouslies, the screen fills with Kurt Hummel's ecstatic face. Shut up, Kurt. Wow, this is going to be a long evening. Kurt's roaming through McKinley's halls with his father on one arm and Denim Carole on the other, and the adults look nearly as pleased as the child. They bubble up to a typically befuddled-looking Finn, who goes, "What's going on?" "They bombarded me," Kurt replies, nodding to either side, "and forced me to bring them to you." Burt and Carole immediately proceed to natter away at each other, all "You tell him!" "No, you tell him!" until Carole somehow prevails and Burt plasters a broad smile across his face to open, "So, you know how I drive Carole to work every Tuesday?" Finn apparently does. "Well," Burt continues, detaching himself from Kurt to sidle on over between Finn and his mother, "today I drove here, and we snuck into that classroom where Kurt introduced us -- very romantic of me, I might add -- and..." "HE PROPOSED!" Carole shrieks, no longer able to contain herself. "HE PROPOSED!" she shrieks again, flapping her new engagement ring in her son's face. Finn dims something dull-witted as Burt and Carole move in on each other for a smooch, and when the parentals finally come up for air, Carole grins, "We wanted the two of you to be the first to know!" "After the kids in that homeroom," Burt amends.

He pulls everyone together for a "family group hug," and to say that Finn is not amused with this shocking development would be something of an understatement. Utterly blind to her son's obvious discomfort for what I'm guessing are entirely understandable reasons, Carole flutters about her sudden-onset pre-wedding jitters, allowing Kurt the perfect opportunity to assume complete creative control of the now-impending nuptials like the good little party-planning homosexual all of us are required to be on TV. "I have a trunkful of wedding magazines hidden under my bed!" he squeals, and I'd tell him to shut up again, but I've a feeling if I told him to shut up every time he needs to shut up tonight, this recap will end up bearing a striking resemblance to this masterpiece, so I'll instead keep my own mouth closed for the moment and listen on as Kurt babbles, "I'm thinking of a russet-and-cognac theme -- those are colors, Finn, fall wedding colors. Autumnal!" Finn studiously avoids eye contact with his soon-to-be stepbrother, all the while visibly withering with embarrassment over being associated with the lisping cliché now working himself into a hyperventilating tizzy over the prospect of draping Denim Carole's bridesmaids in varying shades of reddish brown and brownish red. Or maybe that's me with all the withering and such.

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