Hold On To Sixteen

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 3 USERS: A+
"You Smell Like Craigslist."
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

The camera fades up in the middle of one of McKinley High's hallways and waits there until Quinn decides to sidle into the frame from points elsewhere, whereupon she tosses a side-eye full of intrigue and wickedness in the general direction of the lockers. The shot expands so we can see she's carefully observing Rachel and, after a moment, Quinn strides over to Rachel's side with a too-bright, "I thought you weren't allowed here!" As you'll recall, Rachel got her damn fool self suspended last week after futilely attempting to pull a Putin with the boring student council election that nobody will ever care about again, so her presence in the hallway does seem a bit odd until she speed-babbles her way through an explanation that involves picking up her homework, or whatever. But that's not really important at this early juncture, and neither is her subsequent and somewhat high-handed offer of vocal coaching in advance of this evening's Sectionals performances, for the devious Quinn's chosen this very moment to inform Rachel of her plan to get Idina Menzel fired. "She's sleeping with Puck!" Quinn reveals in an exaggerated whisper, like she's telling us something we don't already know, as if anyone could possibly have forgotten about that particularly gruesome plot development over the last seven days.

Quite naturally, Rachel is shocked and appalled, though not because she just found out her birth mother is banging her ex-boyfriend. No, our dear little star-in-the-making is actually worried that Idina will lose both her current job and her general reputation as an effective educator should Quinn spread news of her tawdry affair throughout the school -- which, you know: Fair worry -- which in turn will result in a sudden and dramatic drop in Dismal Drizzle's standard of living -- which, you know: To hell with that goddamned kid. This argument of Rachel's, however, is utterly lost on Quinn, who's still laboring under the delusion that Child Services will grant her custody of the strangely affectless brat in question should Idina get carted off to Mommy Jail. Rachel correctly insists that Idina is Dismal Drizzle's real mother now, and follows that assertion up with the following: "You've done a lot of really bad things, Quinn, but if you tell people about this, you'll be ruining that little girl's life, and then you'll have really hit rock-bottom!" I'd remark that Quinn won't actually hit rock-bottom until she's a meth-addled hooker working the mid-morning shift at one of Greater Lima's finer truck stops, but it's time for the title card, so I think I'll keep that observation to myself.

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