I Am Unicorn

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 1 USERS: F
Straining Harsh Discords And Unpleasing Sharps
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Fade up on the hallowed halls of dear McKinley High, where we find St. Gay Of Lima primping and preening and prettifying himself in his locker mirror. Presently, Brit-Brit sidles up to him and opens with, "I really like your outfit." Kurt's eyes widen, for this compliment is apparently unexpected. Brittany, oblivious to Kurt's subtle reaction, barrels on, telling him, "I think you're, like, fabulous, and I just love everything that you do." St. Gay Of Lima thanks her for her kind thoughts, and then Brit-Brit gets down to business: She wants to run his "campaign for president" because to her, Kurt's "the biggest unicorn" in the school. "I'm sorry?" Kurt blinks, so Brittany explains her reasoning like so: "When a pony does a good deed, he gets a horn, and he becomes a unicorn, and then he poops out cotton candy until he forgets he's magical, and then his horn falls off, and black unicorns? They become zebras." As the plots of several of this show's episodes have hung on logic even more batshit than that, I'll just be nodding my head in agreement and going along with it. Long story short, St. Gay Of Lima "went through hell last year" without once forgetting how "special" he is, so he's a magical unicorn who poops out cotton candy and is therefore deserving of a seat on the student council. Furthermore, because Brittany "slept with a lot of people" and is therefore one of the most popular girls in the school, she's pretty sure she can leverage her social standing amongst their peers to score St. Gay some "mega votes" in the election. St. Gay Of Lima mumble-mouths something I eventually interpret as, "Then why don't you just run?" to which dear little Brit-Brit replies, "I'm not smart enough." And with that, we smear sideways to... apparent geology class, whose teacher for whatever reason is asking of her students, "What's the capital of Ohio?" "O!" Brittany confidently shouts out, and even though Brit-Brit is entirely correct, the geology teacher wrinkles her nose and spits, "What? Do you even know who the president is?" "," Brittany quite understandably responds, and as her classmates dissolve into a fit of derisive giggles, we smear back to...

...the present, where St. Gay Of Lima allows that he's flattered to be the focus of Brittany's attentions and admits he's sort of excited about the whole thing. Brittany promises to stop by his house that evening so they can work on his campaign posters, and from there, we have nowhere to go at this point in the episode but the title card.

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