I Kissed a Girl

Episode Report Card
LTG: B | Grade It Now!
Man, I Was Really Hoping For Jill Sobule
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

We open in the Maharishi's Sanctum of Suspension, where Figgins has just told Santana that her unprovoked slapping of Finn is being punished with a two-week suspension, due to the school's "zero tolerance policy." Zero tolerance for what? Continuity? Logic? Good teaching? Oh, "violence," according to Figgins. Santana points out all the slushy-throwers over the years that have gone unpunished, but Figgins tells her that slushies are not on the school board's list of banned weapons. So if Santana had smacked Finn with an egg beater, she wouldn't be in trouble? Figgins also rejects Santana's claim that the real culprit in the face-slapping incident was her evil alter ego, Snix. The two-week suspension will cause Santana to miss Sectionals, but neither Will nor Shelby (who are both in the office) seem willing to go to bat for Santana. But then Finn steps up and claims that the slap was really just a stage slap, so Santana can't really be punished. Figgins admits that he can't really punish Santana for a slap that never happened. Okay then, problem solved. That was a short episode.

Oh, I guess not. Finn and Santana walk into the hall and continue to talk. Santana can't figure out what devious angle Finn is working, but he tells her he's just trying to show her that she's not alone and that people (including him) care about her. He also blackmails her, telling her that she has to agree that the Troubletones and New Directions will get together for the week for a lesson that Finn has just thought up. If she doesn't agree, he'll tell Figgins the slap was real and let Santana take a two-week vacation.

Rachel walks down the hall as her V.O. tells us how worried she is about the election. If Kurt doesn't win, she thinks he won't get into the made-up NY theater school, and then she'll be without her best gay when she needs fashion advice. And Kurt's victory looks even less likely when we see Brit-Brit handing out pixie stix and promising a steady stream of sugary snacks if she's elected. Rachel, in a little flash sideways, complains to Figgins, but he's already been paid off and is downing his own purple sugary mix. Back in the hallway, Rachel approaches Kurt's locker, where Jewfro is interviewing him about his impending loss. Kurt points out that Jewfro's own polling has him ten points ahead of Hockey Hair (a.k.a. "Rick the Stick"), but Jewfro notes that's only because Hockey Hair is in a coma following a vicious hockey game. Further, Kurt is seventeen points behind Brit-Brit. Jewfro sees Brit and runs off after her, calling out "Madame President!" Rachel tells Kurt not to worry, but he tells her that he's so worried he's thinking about pulling "a JFK." Rachel: "You're gonna shoot Brittany?" Kurt tells her that he's actually thinking of rigging the vote. Because if his resumé is blank, he won't get into the fake school. Hasn't he been in the New Directions for three years? Didn't his performance of Celine Dion songs (in French) help the Cheerios win their last national title? Hasn't he been working on his father's election? Won't all those help him get into the fake school?

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