Episode Report Card
Have An Egg Roll, Mr. Hummel
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously, on Glee, I revealed way too much about my personal life. And it was the most polarizing episode ever. Until the next week, which became the most polarizing episode ever. That is, until people started having street brawls over this episode. Glee has achieved what I thought was impossible -- every episode is the most polarizing episode ever. Although, I think this episode may have the very best and very worst moments ever on this show.

Buzz, buzz. Hair clippers in some short dark hair. And then we get the POV of someone walking through the halls of McKinley High while people stare in confusion. That POV walks into the music room, where the Glee Club is getting ready for rehearsal or something? (I guess this supports the notion that some people have that for at least some scenes, Glee Club is the equivalent of homeroom.) And the stares continue. And then the camera saves us from trying to figure out who's not in the room by spinning around and showing us that the POV was Puck's. And (for the 1% of the audience too stupid to feed themselves) that Puck is now sans mohawk. He walks past a staring Brittany and Santana. Brit-Brit whispers to Santana, "Who is that guy?"

Cut to sometime after rehearsal. Puck and Santana are alone in the music room. Puck: "My mom found a mole on my head when she was washing my hair on Friday." Santana, along with the entire viewing audience, asks, "Your mom still washes your hair?" Mrs. Puck was freaked out over the possibility of cancer, so she sent Puck to the dermatologist, who shaved off the mohawk to he could see the mole more clearly. I'm freaked out over the psychosexual implications of what we're learning about Puck and his mother, but I lack the power to send the two of them to a psychiatrist. Puck considers himself to be maimed: "I feel like that guy who lost all his hair and then lost all his strength?" Santana: "Samson?" Puck: "Agassi." Heh. And now Puck is upset because losers in the hallway dared to look him in the eye. He can't believe that his power to terrify was contained in his mohawk. Santana: "Actually, I don't know if it's the missing mohawk or the whining, but I am totally not turned on by you right now."

Puck walks outside, near a school bus. He realizes that he's being trailed by a bevy of nerds. And then another group of nerds, led by Jewfro, heads him off. Jewfro tells him that his new hair makes him look like a toddler. And then the nerds proceed to pick Puck up and throw him in the conveniently placed dumpster. Not only does Puck not resist, he seems resigned to his fate. In fact, it looks like he's decided to nap in the dumpster while his voice-over continues on with the rest of the scene. VO: "I'm human garbage. I should just lie here until the truck comes and let it crush me to death. What's the point of living when I suck so bad?" And then he hears the beautiful sound of some people clapping while Mercedes sings. He does his best Kilroy impersonation, sticking the top of his head out from the dumpster, where he sees Mercedes and some other Cheerios hanging out. The VO continues: "Wait a minute. That black chick used to suck and now she's all kinds of popular. If she can straighten herself out, I certainly can. But how? I'm not becoming a Cheerio. Wait. I don't need to be a cheerleader, I just need to date one. Get ready, black girl whose name I can't remember. The Puckster about to make you his." As we hear those last lines, Mercedes notices Puck staring at her from the dumpster. He catches her eye and winks. She looks mighty confused. I'd be confused too, if Oscar the Grouch started making googley eyes at me. Title card.

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