Love, Love, Love

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 160 USERS: B-
Ew, Ew, Ew
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

We open on an overhead shot of The Horrible Hooker of Broadway striding down a brilliantly-lit West 44th Street in Manhattan towards The St. James Theatre, where a team of workmen are just now installing a set of temporary banners advertising this show's impending Funny Girl revival. We then cut down to focus in on Old Idiot Rachel's face as she tilts her head back to positively beam up at the theater's freshly-decorated marquee, and if she's at all nervous about the callback she's arrived for, she's showing absolutely no sign of it. Of course, this means she's gonna totally blow her audition straight to hell.

She promptly proceeds to do just that the instant we cut to the theater's interior. The Horrible Hooker's onstage with her presumed Nicky -- an established Tony winner named "Paolo," here portrayed by none other than Horatio Hornblower himself -- reading the early scene where Fanny invites Mr. Arnstein back to her Henry Street digs for a family-and-friends after-party following her Follies debut. Old Idiot Rachel's made the rather unfortunate choice of mimicking Barbra Streisand's line readings from the movie, rather than creating her own interpretation of the role. She barely completes three of her lines before the revival's director -- the heretofore unseen Peter Facinelli, and that's not a good sign at all, because Peter Facinelli sucks -- calls a halt to the proceedings with a calculatedly even-sounding, "Thank you, Rachel. That was lovely." Horatio Hornblower shoots Peter Facinelli a look and hastily retreats to a nearby chair to fiddle intently with his trusty product-placed smartphone. Meanwhile, Rachel's confidence visibly collapses before our very eyes, and she squeaks out a weak little, "That's it?" "All I needed to see," Peter Facinelli replies, dismissively enough. To her credit, Rachel quickly regains her composure and crosses to thank Horatio Hornblower for his time and talent, then further diminishes her already minuscule professional stature in the eyes of her would-be costar by gushing all over his recent appearance in a revival of Camelot like some batshit fangirl.

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