Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 3 USERS: A
I'm All Out of Faith
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Your regularly-scheduled programming has been interrupted for this bit of BREAKING NEWS from our friends at WOHN Channel 8: A studiously blasé Ernst Blofeld, flanked by his lawyers, is just now emerging onto the front steps of Lima's Hall Of Justice Building, where he's immediately swarmed by a buzzing throng of reporters, one of whom yells, "Mr. Clarington! What do you have to say about the steroid allegations?" "I look forward to my day in court," Ernst superciliously replies, adding, "Until then, I have no comment." "But what about the report that you look waaaaay too old to still be in high school?" another reporter demands. Ernst instantly loses his cool and lunges at the catty bitch to start beating the guy with his own microphone as Channel 8's live shot switches back to...

...the WOHN studios, where Rod Remington, northwestern Ohio's most-trusted name in news, solemnly notes that "a blood test administered by the show choir governing board tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs." Rod's co-anchor Andrea Carmichael gives the camera a deeply pained look as Rod confirms that Dalton Academy has been stripped of its Sectionals title, "sending Lima's own McKinley High School show choir to Regionals and a chance to repeat as national champions!" Rod fixes that famously unctuous smile of his on his face, only to have it falter the instant poor, long-suffering Andrea finally and at long last loses her shit. "I can't believe it!" she cries out. "This is what they think news is now?" she hoots, jabbing a pair of angrily incredulous fingers at all those idiot morons out there in the dark. "I can't take this anymore!" she shouts, struggling to strip off her body mike before repeating, "I cannot. Take this. ANYMORE!" "I have had it!" she continues, rising to rage off the set. "I went to school for this!" she screams, kicking over a garbage can that had the great misfortune of blocking her magnificent exit, and as her hysterical peals of laughter give way to sobbing somewhere off-screen, Rod turns back to the camera and bubbles, "Well, it looks like someone's gonna get a younger, hotter co-anchor!" Title card.

McKinley High's music room, already fully reclaimed by The New New Directions, all of whom whoop and holler up there in the cheap seats as Bloaty The Gravy Clown scrawls a triumphant "Regionals!!" on the whiteboard. "We are back!" Frankenteen enthuses above the children's cheers, taking a moment to congratulate Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen and Dreamboat Blaine on their mad investigatory skillz before reminding the kiddies that they've got precious little time to prepare for their next big competition. Unmentioned throughout is how McKinley managed to leapfrog past The Rosedale Mennonites because: Who?

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