Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
Never Been Kissed
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

McKinley High Locker Room. Frankenteen's minding his own business, chilling in the hot tub when one of the assistant coaches dumps a Gatorade bucket full of ice into the adjoining metal whirlpool bath. Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen presently appears, strips off his shirt, and settles himself into the chilly waters as Finn dudes, "Duuuuude! How do you stand that cold tub?" "Used to cold showers dating Quinn," Sam shrugs a bit mopily, and off Finn's rather dimwitted dumbstruck expression, we smear sideways to...

...a recent round of mackery between Quinn and Sam, held under the watchful eye of Quinn's Blessed Virgin Mary statuette. Sam lets a hand go wandering down Miss Quinn's bare thigh, which is of course a tremendous no-no, and when she delicately yet firmly plucks his offending appendage from her bare skin, Lady Lips turns on the charm to mumble a few incomprehensible words regarding his desire for "a little something-something." "A little something-something always leads to something more," she primly reminds him, making brief reference to her late bout of uterine-related unpleasantness before assuring him, "When we're prom king and queen, it'll feel just as good as a little something-something." Sam, thoroughly unconvinced of that, drops his head backwards in frustration, and we smear back over to...

...the locker room, where Finn commiserates, "Been there, dude -- actually, still there now." He puzzles over their shared predicament for a moment before squinting, "How did we find the only two girls in high school who won't put out?" "Whaddya do, though?" Lady Lips shrugs again. Finn admits he thinks "about the opposite of what [he's] doing," and by way of illustration, we smear sideways to...

...a recent round of mackery between Finn and Rachel, held under the psychedelic eye of Rachel's Hair poster. Miss Rachel starts nuzzling at Finn's neck, leading to all sorts of distressingly familiar facial contortions on Finn's part. Fortunately for everyone involved, just before the top of his head explodes, Finn remembers the mailman. Denim Carole's shrieks of terror are as hysterically funny now as they were when first we heard them a year ago, but that's not important at the moment, because what is important at the moment is the fact that Finn's successfully averted yet another embarrassing accident. With an easygoing smile plastered across his incredibly dumb face, he rolls on top of Rachel for a little more nuzzling as we smear back over to...

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