New Directions

Episode Report Card
94 USERS: B-
Don't Let That Door Smack You On The Ass

In Ohio: Gwyneth Paltrow and April Rhodes team up to convince Sue to allow Will to incorporate music into other school activities in a last-ditch effort to prevent the demise of the arts at McKinley High -- having forgotten, apparently, about the marching band, and the jazz ensemble, and the frigging Cheerios, for Christ's sake -- but after a disastrous attempt to enlighten the hapless members of the school's Animal Husbandry Club results in hundreds of thousands of letters of protest, Sue has little choice but to end all music education at McKinley for good. With the exception of the marching band, and the jazz ensemble, and the frigging Cheerios, of course. Sue does, however, pull a few strings to secure Will an interview over at Carmel High, as Vocal Adrenaline is in dire need of a replacement coach -- again -- so it looks like there might be life after New Directions for Mr. Schue after all.

In New York: Single-T Tina gets whacked in the head -- again -- and this time she fantasizes about an Improbably Bohemian Bushwick Loft packed to the rafters with former Glee Clubbers, all of whom also work together at The Most Annoying Tourist Trap On The Planet. Unfortunately -- or quite fortunately, depending upon your point of view -- Tina's fantasy will remain just that, as she herself is going to Brown after getting yanked off the wait list, and Gaylord Wiener's returning to The Joffrey Ballet in Chicago, and Mercedes Jones has things to do in Los Angeles, and Old Puck's about three minutes away from being declared AWOL, and Quinn's got that whole Yale thing to deal with, and Santana's jetting off to Greece with Brit-Brit because Brittany wants to live on Lesbian Island.

In Other News: Santana quits Funny Girl because Brittany wants to live on Lesbian Island, Old Puck and Old Quinn intend to date each other for at least the next fifteen seconds, Sue and Gwyneth Paltrow are auditioning for The Amazing Race together, and The McKinley High Class Of 2013 finally graduates nearly a year late.

Featuring "I Am Changing" from Dreamgirls, as performed by St. Gay Of Lima and Mercedes Jones; Eddie Murphy's "Party All The Time," as performed by Gwyneth Paltrow; "This Piece Of Crap" by No One Who Should Ever Admit To Writing It, Ever, as performed by Dreamboat Blaine, Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen, Single-T Tina, and Artie; Oh Honey's "Be Okay," as performed by The Batshit Bimbo Of Broadway and Santana Lopez; "Just Give Me A Reason" from Pink and Nate Ruess, as performed by the Old versions of Puck and Quinn; and Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" -- again, and for what I'm certain is not the last time -- as performed by the kiddies and Mr. Schue.





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