Previously Unaired Christmas

Episode Report Card
LTG: N/A | 154 USERS: C+
Christmas In... What Month Is It?
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

We open on "America's Jane Lynch," standing in a tastefully appointed living room, putting coal into the Christmas stockings of Cloris Leachman, Meryl Streep, Melissa McCarthy, Edie Falco, and Merritt Wever. She tells us that what we're about to see is the first attempt at last year's Christmas episode, which was canned after studio executives saw it. But due to popular demand, they've edited out the most offensive bits and are presenting it to us tonight. Frankly, this is all bullshit, but I could not care less. The thing that made me saddest about the bizarrely extended school year of seasons 4 and 5 was that it would rule out the chance of a Christmas episode this year. There's no other show in all of Christendom that gives us such seasonal delights as Sue playing golf with Will's Christmas balls, a recreation of Judy Garland's black-and-white holiday special, or a pair of half-brothers' Hanukkah spree across Los Angeles. So I'm just glad they found some reason to give us that Yuletide crack that has come to mean "Christmas" to so many of us.

Music room. Will is telling the kids (which, no, do not include any kids who were actually part of the show last year but have since departed) that the theme for the week is "Green Christmas." And that's because the powers that be have selected an ecological theme for the 50th annual classroom decorating contest. Tina and Sam are going to run the show, and Tina is hell-bent on winning, since the "antique handblown glass angel" prize is rumored to have magic powers that might allow her to become prom queen. Like that'll happen. Tina turns into quite the monster, stunning everyone with her demand that they quit all other holiday activities until they win that prize. Will cuts the silence by wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, and then Blaine tries to launch into "Joy to the World." But he's met with a unanimous chorus of "Shut up, Blaine!" Heh. Title card.

Coach Beiste calls to order "the McKinley High Non-Denominational Christmas Club." Which is made up of every member of the New Directions, plus a few hangers-on. Club vice-president Artie breaks the news (which he just received from Still Principal Figgins) that the McKinley manger scene has been completely defaced and destroyed. Tina panics about the pending cancellation of Christmas, but Artie reassures her that they're going to stage a living nativity. Artie and Coach Beiste have decided that New Puck should play Joseph, since "Joseph was a darkly tan Jew." New Puck, uncertainly: "Thank you?" Unique calls dibs on Mary, but New Quinn tells her "You can't. You're black, and you'd crush the donkey." New Boring Idiot Rachel throws her hand into the air and announces that she's a virgin. Since Unique is not the only one who wants to play Mary, Coach Beiste announces that auditions will happen the next day. Left unanswered is New Puck's question, "Are nativities even allowed on school property?" Because let's not try to drag reality into this mess.

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