Shooting Star

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 7 USERS: D+
"An Hour Later, The Cops Arrived..."

Oh, by the way, it turns out two other kids were hiding in the bathroom with Brittany. No one we know, but when they timidly emerged from their own stalls once they realized they were safe, I actually felt a twinge of what I think I should have been feeling all along. Make of that what you will.

Back in the choir room, New Finn decides to dial His Mysterious Internet Correspondent. Just go with it. Of course, the call connects with another cell phone in the choir room, the latter of which rings and rings and rings, and everybody sits there with stupefied expressions on their dumb idiot faces for a very, very, very long time until someone finally thinks to browbeat New Finn into hanging up. Dun-dun-DUN! Or not, because we all already knew that New Finn's Mysterious Internet Correspondent is Not-So-Unique, so whatever.

That fucking metronome? STILL TICKING.

Out in the hall, Mr. Schue, Brittany, and the two Novak unknowns tiptoe past a just-arriving cop to lock themselves back in the choir room, after which someone outside yells, "All clear!" Coach Beiste flicks the lights back on, and everyone huddles up for a tear-streaked group hug, and once they're all done with that, Mr. Schue finally -- FINALLY -- deactivates that fucking metronome. Someone better have the sense to take a sledgehammer to that goddamned thing now that this is all over and done with. Oh, and after ten full minutes of uninterrupted onscreen havoc, we finally head into this evening's next commercial break.

A couple days later, New Puck, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel, and a few of their fellow students watch from behind a police sawhorse as Lima's Finest confiscate various items from their lockers, including New Puck's hipsterrific scooter. Elsewhere, technicians screw in new security cameras while various late-arriving students and teachers file through a set of just-installed metal detectors at the main entrance.

Eventually, we make our way to the teachers' lounge, where Sue presents Beiste and Will with a box of nerve-soothing doughnuts that Will completely ignores in favor of speechifying at great length regarding Innocence Lost and Idealism Destroyed, and go tell somebody who cares, dicksmack. Beiste glumly points out that half the students stayed home today, which elicits the following from Sue: "I haven't seen this level of overreaction since Janet Jackson showed her saggy funbag at The Super Bowl." Heh. "Saggy funbags." Anyway, Sue goes on to note that they're not even sure if there was a gun to begin with -- the police have yet to find the supposed weapon, after all, and it's entirely possible The Incident started with some careless fireworks or a backfiring car. Beiste insists she knows what gunshots sound like, and she goes on to admit she no longer feels safe knowing "there's some kid with a gun stuffed in his backpack, walking around these halls." Will expresses confidence the police will find and expel the culprit, as they're prepared to shake down "every single student" in the high school. This assertion captures an inordinate amount of Sue's attention, and after she confirms that the cops intend to interview absolutely everyone, she takes a moment, makes a decision, and announces, "No student's gonna get expelled, because it was my gun." "GASP!" go Will and The Beiste because they were not privy to that earlier scene between Becky and Brit-Brit, and thus have no idea that Sue's simply covering for her protégé. Sue then quietly takes leave of her soon-to-be-former coworkers, and heads on over to...

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