Shooting Star

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 7 USERS: D+
"An Hour Later, The Cops Arrived..."

...The Lair Of The Maharishi. "It's registered, and I have a license for it," Sue calmly explains as Figgins stares at her, gape-mouthed. "I'm sorry," she continues, "but in light of recent events, I feel more safe with it in my office." "I'm not going to argue the merit of armed teachers right now," Figgins begins, and that makes two of us because I thought I was supposed to be watching a goddamned musical comedy tonight, but before The Maharishi can get any further with that thought, Sue cuts him off with the following: "It's a different world from when you and I started teaching -- or rather when I started teaching and you started doing whatever it is that you do. The safety net of the public mental health system is gone, parents with troubled kids are too busy working three jobs to look after them, and the gun yahoos have everyone so worked up about Obama taking away their guns that every house has a readily-available arsenal." Figgins points out that owning a gun for protection and shooting that gun off in a school are two radically different things. Sue quietly counters that she was simply performing her daily safety check on "Uma Thurman" -- that would be the name Sue gave her piece -- when it accidentally discharged. Startled, Sue dropped the weapon, and it fired again once it hit the floor. Sue then proceeded to "panic," which is why she dumped the spent shells into a lake and covered up the bullet holes with a poster or two, but once she had a couple of days to come to her senses, she realized she had to confess and face her just punishment.

Figgins has little choice but to accept Sue's preposterous story at face value, and he reminds her he'll have to report the incident to both the police and the school board, all the while broadly hinting that she'll be fired immediately. She nods, then gets all contemplative as she tells him, "You know, it's funny how this stuff works out -- an entire career doing the right thing? Winning? I sent Cheerios off to The Ivy Leagues, I educated girls who are CEOs of Fortune 500 companies. Their mothers. Gold medalists. I've coached two Grammy winners, an Internet billionaire, and a lesbian secretary of state. But all I'll be remembered for is this one thing. It'll be the first line of my obituary." Figgins sympathizes, but his hands are tied. Sue understands. And at that, we leave them to head into this evening's next commercial break. I feel I should say something about how terrific Jane Lynch was over these last two scenes, but I think you already knew that. Good thing she's only leaving the show for a couple of episodes, though I've heard very few nice things about that revival of Annie she's gonna be starring in. Maybe she'll give it the kick in the ass it seems to need.

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