Shooting Star

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 7 USERS: D+
"An Hour Later, The Cops Arrived..."

...the music room, and it's Tinkles! Back at the piano! Hi, Tinkles! For yes, gentle reader, despite what he claimed the last time we saw him, Tinkles has apparently returned to McKinley High to help New Finn woo his mysterious Internet lady love, and with little further ado -- plus some additional help from various members of The Jazz Ensemble -- New Finn launches into his version of Elton John's "Your Song." It's a perfectly pleasant -- albeit entirely unimaginative -- cover, what with the dizzily spinning camerawork and the lingering close-ups on the kiddies' smitten faces and whatnot, but none of that really matters because once it's over, Blondie finally gets around to wondering, "Why me?" New Finn's all, "Huh?" because he's not getting it at all even though everyone on the actual Internet called this a month ago, and he starts gibbering about all the aimless, lovely hours they spent messaging and texting each other until Blondie finally stops him and gently explains that she's never spoken to him before in her life, and that someone must therefore be "catfishing" him. D'OH! There's a hilarious series of shocked and appalled reaction shots from the ladies in The Jazz Ensemble before the camera focuses back in on New Finn, and as Blondie apologizes for something or other before rising to disappear from our lives forever, poor New Finn collapses into this evening's first commercial break in near tears. Awwwwwwwwwww! Also: Yeah, it's totally Not-So-Unique who's behind all this, and as I probably said somewhere before, I can't wait to see how this show fucks that one up. Hooray!

Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High. An enraged and somewhat unhinged New Finn slams through clots of his peers until he reaches New Puck and Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel, whereupon he mistakenly accuses them both of concocting the whole Internet Blondie thing to humiliate him, and I suppose I'd better get this out of the way now: When I spoiled myself for this evening's musical numbers, I also ended up spoiling myself for the supposedly shocking event that takes up most of this episode's second half, which I mention here only because it was therefore blatantly obvious the first time I watched this scene that they were trying to set New Finn up as a potential shooter. Of course, this means I also immediately rejected the idea of New Finn as the shooter because the guy's always been a total marshmallow -- like all of the other leads on this show -- and I was sadly laboring under the incredibly incorrect impression that the people responsible for this mess would never in a million years try to make the audience believe that someone so fundamentally squishy would lunge so far out of character as to shoot up the high school. Boy, was I wrong. And do I now feel like a complete jackass because of it? Yes. Yes, I do. Thanks for nothing, show.

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