Shooting Star

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 7 USERS: D+
"An Hour Later, The Cops Arrived..."

What the fuck ever. Wild texting ensues -- and it is riveting, let me tell you -- until some unseen random clonks down the hall outside in yet another pair of audibly chunky heels, wildly snatching at the choir room's locked door handles as she goes, which of course sets Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel to weeping. Shut up, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel. The frantic racket also activates Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen's chivalry chip, and he scuttles over from his hiding place to exit into the hallway in order to retrieve the missing Brittany from The Novak. To his credit, Mr. Schue wastes not an instant shoving Lady Lips back down onto the floor next to Dreamboat Blaine, the latter of whom gloomily notes that Single-T Tina's out there somewhere, too.

Meanwhile, someone left the water running in the locker room.

Also meanwhile, Brittany crouches atop the toilet in a locked stall in the presumably locked Novak. She's trying to be quiet, but she's having a very hard time stifling her sobs.

Also also meanwhile, The Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High are ominously silent and empty. You know, in case you were wondering.

Back in the choir room, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel loudly texts her mother.

Over in the cafeteria kitchen, Mama Rose's awfully expensive-looking cell phone vibrates on a steel counter. Mama Rose herself remains hidden behind the industrial-sized stove, upon which a pot is just now boiling over.

Back in the choir room, Pretty Kitty assures Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel that Mama Rose will be fine, then regretfully admits she altered all of Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel's Grease costumes so Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel would develop an eating disorder. Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel responds by ramming two handy drumsticks into Pretty Kitty's eye sockets. Except that Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel totally doesn't do that at all, of course, and instead the two get all misty-eyed and snot-nosed and fall into a forgiving embrace. Then, Pretty Kitty freaks out for some incomprehensible reason and scampers across the room to apologize to New Finn and New Finn's Secret Internet Lover for yet another incomprehensible reason. By the way, as she shoots across the floor, she slides right past That Fucking Metronome, and SHE DOES NOT SHUT THE FUCKING THING OFF. I hope they kill you first, Kitty.

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