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Demian: D | Grade It Now!
In Which We Give Thanks That New Rachel Is Dead
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Tonight's bleary-eyed episode-opening camera eventually focuses in on a pair of $500 wedges as they make their careful and deliberate way across the artfully lit stage of The April Rhodes Civic Pavilion, and look! It's former cripple Quinn Fabray! Back from... wherever the hell she's supposed to be at the moment! Hi, Quinn! The new version of you on this show sucks. Just thought you should know.

In any event, Old Quinn stands in a magically appearing spotlight and growls the first low notes of Simon And Garfunkel's "Homeward Bound" all by her lonesome until Original Recipe Puck emerges from the wings, guitar slung across his torso, to harmonize with her for a bit. Meanwhile, out in the audience, Gaylord Wiener and Santana Lopez stride into a magically appearing spotlight of their own to croon a couple of bars of this thing from the latest thoroughly disposable Idol idiot until Mercedes hustles into yet another magically appearing spotlight on the opposite end of the auditorium, and then Frankenteen lurches onto the stage from points unknown to add his decidedly weak voice to the ensuing medley, and this reunion would be very touching, I'm sure, were it not for the fact that most of these characters never really left the show in the first place. By the way, Bloaty The Gravy Clown is wearing yet another Schuesterian V-neck, which I find oddly amusing -- Finn's clearly attempting to emulate his hero's Nationals-winning ways by emulating his hero's questionable fashion sense, and yet the only apparent quality thus far transmitted by Mr. Schue's inescapable sweater-vests is Mr. Schue's abject dumbassery. Hee.

The six former students eventually end up on the stage together and, after the medley just sort of fizzles out, Old Quinn smiles, "Home for the holidays, just like we promised." Bloaty The Gravy Clown steps forward to mark the occasion with a few heartfelt remarks, but Old Puck shuts that crap down with a quickness for which I will always be grateful, and everyone mashes together for an awkwardly tangled group hug that's soon obliterated by this evening's title card.

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