Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 1 USERS: A+
It's Madge's World. We Just Lip-Synch To It.
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Glee: Nothing, apparently, likely because the impending Madonnathon has little to do with anything that's ever happened before on this show, an assumption quickly proven true by this evening's opening shot: A close-up on Sue's Journal which, since last we saw it, has been dedicated to none other than Lady Vadge herself, if that brand-new and scrupulously scrapbooked cover page is anything to go by. The Fabulous Sue Sylvester (in her power red tracksuit with white stripes, I should note) soon flips past the cover to narrate as she scrawls on the first blank sheet, "'Madonna.' Simply saying the word aloud makes me feel powerful -- even in voiceover." "How I have worshipped her ever since I was a little girl!" Sue's VO continues, and that's news to me, because she sure as hell never gave any of us any indication of said idol worship in the past, but we'll take Sue at her word and carry on, because the alternative involves questioning just about every single assertion she makes for the rest of the episode, and that would chew up far too much time. Besides, Sue gets in a hell of a lot of good lines tonight, and why ruin the fun? Sue goes on to sneer at the supposed influence certain false idols named "Angie Jolie" and "Catherine The Great" have had on the world before declaring, "Madonna is the most powerful woman to ever walk the face of the earth!" And while there's certainly an argument to be made for that particular point of view, Camille Paglia's already been making it for the last twenty years, so let's leap ahead to the office of...

...Maharishi Figgins, where Sue -- green tracksuit with orange stripes this time -- peremptorily announces, "I'm instating a new policy whereby we play Madonna's greatest hits over the PA system quite loudly throughout the entire school day." "But blasting her delicious hooks would make it impossible for the students to concentrate!" Figgins protests. "Who cares?" Sue counters, noting that Madonna never bothered finishing college (true) in favor of hopping a cab to Manhattan with only $35 in her pocket (not true), and adding that they should be encouraging the students of McKinley High to do the same (possibly true). "You say the word," Sue smiles, "and I will provide you with a list of the students I believe should be rounded up and shipped off immediately." I've a feeling that list will consist of nothing more than "Rachel Berry, Gay Kid, Asian, Wheels, and Aretha." I also have a feeling she has that very list tucked into the strap of her steel-belted sports bra as I type this. Figgins: "This is insanity!" Sue: "What you call insanity, I call inspiration!" She leans in close to him and -- with an insanely inspired glint in her eye, natch -- breaks it down for him like so: "It's been the biggest dream of my career to pay homage to Madonna -- the woman most responsible for my take-no-prisoners demeanor and my subconscious tendency to always be desperately looking for someone named Susan -- and now my Cheerios squad finally has the talent to make that dream come true." "You will not take that dream from me," Sue vows before straightening herself and planting her hands on her hips to threaten him with the following: "Do you not understand the blackmail process and how it works?"

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