Sue deploys Lauren Tuna as a human bioweapon, infecting Figgins and Will with a virulent strain of monkey flu. As a result, Sue is made temporary principal, and Holly Holiday (a.k.a. Gwyneth Paltrow) becomes the substitute Spanish teacher. And, after the other kids get sick of Rachel's egocentric reign of terror, Kurt also recruits Ms. Holiday to run the Glee Club. Holly turns out to be a little too eager to make the kids happy, giving them the educational equivalent of a diet of daily Happy Meals. And speaking of diet, Sue's primary initiative as principal is to ban the dreaded tater tot and force the kids to eat healthy food at lunch. Mercedes, trying to fill the emotional void in her life that develops when Kurt starts spending all his time with Blaine, leads a revolt against the imposition of good health, and nearly gets suspended. As is always the case, the Spanish teacher/Glee Club instructor gets called in to the principal's office to defend a kid accused of wrongdoing. But Holly freezes up and fails to get Mercedes out of her jam. As a result, she realizes that she's really not a very good teacher, and resigns, just in time for Will to get well and take his job back. (Did I mention that Sue fired him at one point? Well, she did.) But Will has learned a lesson, and realizes he needs to start incorporating some newer music into his set lists. Because a little junk food is fine in moderation.
The other plots are basically about relationships. As noted, Kurt is spending tons of time with Blaine and neglecting Mercedes. By the end of the episode she (maybe?) learns that she has to start taking care of herself instead of just waiting around for love to strike. And Terri comes over to Will's house to take care of him, at the request of a neighbor who's sick of his overwhelming neediness. She does a good job making him feel babied, while the rest of us become sick at the sight. He sends her away, but asks her to come back after realizing that if he doesn't get well, Holly's going to replace him in the hearts of his students. Terri's second visit results in them sleeping together. She thinks that means they're back on, so Will has to break her heart (and her sanity) all over again when she drops by again. Last, and least, Karofsky threatens to kill Kurt if he ever tells anyone about last week's kiss.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously, on Glee, Kurt followed Meathead Karofsky into the locker room to berate him for his constant bullying and ended up getting a kiss instead of a pummeling. A wise friend told me she feared that episode made it seem like confronting a bully, especially a sexually-confused one, was a safe thing to do. So, to any kids reading this who are being bullied, I say this -- you absolutely do not deserve to be treated that way. You need to do whatever you can to keep yourself safe and get away from the people who are bullying. If you can, find an adult in your life you can speak with -- parents, teachers, counselors, friends' parents. If the adults in your life are the bullies, find some other adults who will protect you or who will at least talk to you and help you think of ways to keep yourself safe. You'll find adults like that at the Trevor Project (866-488-7386) and at local community groups. And if you absolutely have to, find some other people you can live with (uncles, aunts, grandparents, family friends) and get away from your school (or your home) and the bullies who are there. But don't follow the ringleader bully into an empty locker room to confront him. Because while some people may bully others because of peer pressure or because they're insecure about their own status in some tribal hierarchy, the ones who are totally obsessed with your sexual orientation are really screwed up in one way or another. And they are much less likely to kiss you than they are to beat the crap out of you.
Anyway, on to this episode. When someone mentions Ryan Murphy and Gwyneth Paltrow in the same sentence (which happens all the time), my mind automatically drifts back to former TWoP recapper Gustave. After I hunted him down and worked my way through his three personal assistants, he graciously agreed to watch this episode with me in his fabulous Tribeca loft while we sipped martinis. I'll share some of his comments at appropriate points in the episode.
A bevy of cheerless Cheerios carry an enormous trophy down the hall like a battering ram. Has Sue finally allied herself with Sauron? Will enters the school and greets Sue. She stops him to point out his error: "It's Principal Sue." Will is as gobsmacked as you might think, and he wants to know what happened to Figgins. Sue: "A particularly virulent strain of monkey flu has arrived in Ohio from Borneo, where it had been festering in a small clutch of loud, bisexual primates, not unlike your very Glee Club." Will asks how Figgins caught the monkey pox, and we smear sideways...
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