Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | Grade It Now!
O Fortuna!

"...because you're all minorities," he continues, now addressing the club members themselves over in the music room. It's the sort of earthy-crunchy, touchy-feely rally-the-troops kind of asinine crap I'm surprised Sue Sylvester can tolerate without choking back on the bile now in her mouth, but there she is, off to one side as Will reminds the club members, "There are only twelve of you, and all you have is each other, so it doesn't matter that Rachel is Jewish, or that Finn is..." "Can't tell my rights from my lefts?" Finn offers good-naturedly. "Sure!" Will smiles before continuing, "Or that Santana is Latina, or that Quinn..." " pregnant," Sue interjects, and a-HA! That's why she was sitting through this garbage. Everyone gapes as Sue faux-apologizes, "Sorry, Q, it'll be all over the blogosphere by this afternoon." "Now everybody knows," Sue states, before adding pointedly, "including me." Bombshell thus so efficiently dropped, Sue exits, leaving Quinn practically hyperventilating with shock, both Finn and My Glorious Husband looking guilty, Santana Lopez with a sly Cheshire grin on her face, and Rachel absolutely outraged.

BAM! Rachel confronts J-Fro by nearly taking his fingers off in his locker door, and demands to know why he published news of Quinn's condition. Alas, a routine school-wide check turned up Rachel's droopy white granny panties in J-Fro's locker and, after Sue Sylvester ascertained J-Fro was not, in fact, "an Eve who was born a Steve," she browbeat him into spilling all of the sordid details, and decided to punish Quinn by having J-Fro release the story. Her tenure's on the line, you must understand, tied as it is to the Cheerios' performance, and she therefore views Quinn's transgression as a personal insult. J-Fro apologizes profusely to Rachel, but the damage has been done, and when she turns away from him she spots Quinn sobbing in Finn's arms across the hall while Finn, shell-shocked, can only stroke her back while repeating, "It's okay!" over and over and over again.

And then, after all the angst, more angst! All twelve members of the Glee Club reunite to perform a version of Avril (Gag) Lavigne's (Hoarf) "Keep (Retch) Holding (Hork) On (Yack)," and I would link to the original as I've tended to do in the past, but searching for Avril Lavigne videos on YouTube has made me both depressed and enraged, so I will note both that the performance is very touching and Quinn-centered -- even though Rachel and Finn as a matter of course have been assigned the lead vocals -- and that many compassionate tears are shed over Quinn's unfortunate predicament. And not just by the gay boy, either. Also, because it is centered on a pretty young blonde whose been knocked up by a scurrilous ruffian, and because that pretty young knocked-up blonde is certain to be ostracized socially once everyone finds out she's been knocked up by a scurrilous ruffian, and because it contains lyrics like "You're not alone -- together we stand; I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand," it reminds me of nothing so much as this: "You'll Never Walk Alone" from frigging Carousel, of all the sappy things. I think I'll start calling Quinn "Julie Jordan." I will not, however, be referring to My Glorious Husband as "Billy Bigelow," because that's just way too WASPy for my very hot Jew.

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