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O Fortuna!

"I'm k-k-k-kind of nervous," T-T-T-Tina stutters over in the music room, and Artie agrees that he debated even showing up for this, their first rehearsal session with Sue Sylvester, but Mercedes is certain it's going to be great. "Did you catch 'Sue's Corner' last night?" she asks.

Smear to last night's "Sue's Corner." "Sometimes people ask me, 'Sue? How come you're so sensitive to minorities?' Well, I'll tell you why: Because I know first-hand how hard it is to struggle as a minority in America today. I'm one-sixteenth Comanche Indian! In fact, I like minorities so much, I'm thinkin' of movin' to California to become one!"

I don't know how they get away with this. But I love it.

Smear back to the present (or, you know, a couple of days ago, if we're basing the timeline on the very first scene), where Sue's just now entering with The McKinley Jazz Ensemble's horn section -- yes, they're wearing their fedoras -- to get things going. She's selected a song she believes will "speak to the frustration [the kids] felt under the failed leadership of Will Schuester," and that song is Jill Scott's "Hate On Me." Oh, this is gonna be good. And then, as promised, the big black lady stops the show -- with crucial assists, of course, from Gaylord Weiner and Butt Lunch, who pop-and-lock until my joints ache for them, and Santana Lopez and T-T-T-Tina on harmonies. The vocals are, of course, ridiculously flawless given the fact that Sue handed them the sheet music mere seconds before The Sylvester Seven launched themselves into the number, but the staging has a fun improvisational feel to it, especially when Kurt and his fuzzy angora sweater queen out the way any proper male backup dancer should when supporting a diva such as Mercedes. And while all this is going on, Sue's scrutinizing her charges with a sharply appraising eye. Surprisingly enough, she appears to like what she sees. Meanwhile, Will lurks outside the music room door, looking regretful. Or, you know, furrowed.

Cut to the hall, post-rehearsal, where Sue -- once again shielded by her sunglasses -- powers towards that nonexistent exterior walkway as "O Fortuna" simmers along on the soundtrack. By the way, she's wearing a reversible Nike tracksuit, black on the outside, white on the inside, and she's popped the collar in a manner terribly reminiscent of The Evil Queen from Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs. Well played, Glee. Well played. As Sue struts her stuff, Will careens in behind her from a side hallway and calls out her name. When she finally acknowledges his presence (without once breaking stride), it's only to say, "Oh, hey, buddy -- I thought I smelled failure." Turns out Sue sabotaged Will's first rehearsal with his subsection of the club by sending the piano out to be steam-cleaned, and he accuses her of undermining his authority. "Your delusions of persecution," she replies, "are a telltale sign of early stage paranoid schizophrenia." Hee. Now outdoors, Will berates her for his missing sheet music, which she incinerated because she feared the children would contract "chronic sinusitis from the mildew [she] feared was infesting that old, moldy paper." With that, Will's finally had enough, and he shouts that their feud will end right then and there -- for the sake of the children, of course, which is bullshit, and Sue knows it, because Sue's had his number for months now, and she knows he's one of those guys who peaked in high school, and further knows he'll do anything to relive his glory days through his students rather than for them. I think. If that makes any sense whatsoever. Anyway, she calls his bluff, and turns to address him thusly: "You wanna get real? You're right, Will, I have been trying to destroy your club with a conviction I can only call religious, and you wanna know why? Because I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting!" Um. Point to Sue? Will's only defense is to psychobabble something about the damage she's doing to the kids, but Sue Sylvester just eats it all up and vows to see Will fired from the school if that's what it's going to take for her to win. And then she hurls some random redheaded stepchild's Big Gulp to the ground in disgust, because "those drinks are CRAP!" And that would be another point to Sue.

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