Glee

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O Fortuna!

Spanish class. Finn oh-so-surreptitiously passes Quinn a note in the middle of an exam, earning himself a sharp rebuke from Mr. Schuester, but Will's soon distracted by a clueless football player -- well, a different clueless football player -- so Finn spins back around to explain the note's contents. Inspired by Gwyneth Paltrow's pioneering forays into the realm of unconventional baby names, he's come up with the perfect one for their impending stranger: Drizzle. Quinn looks like she's ready to ram a pen into his carotid. "You know how awesome it is when it's just drizzling outside," he excitedly explains, completely oblivious to her mood. "It's not really raining, so it smells like rain, but you don't need an umbrella to go outside?" "Are you a moron?" Quinn interrupts, and I'm assuming the question's rhetorical. "We're not naming our baby 'Drizzle' -- we're not naming our baby anything! Finish your test!" Finn's crushed, but I'm totally not paying attention to him because in the background, Britney's snaked Quinn's completed exam to copy the answers, and Quinn's hissing, "Will you give me my test back?" "I just don't understand anything!" Britney whispers. HA!

Out in the hall, Quinn and Finn pedebitch at each other at decibel levels so loud, I simply cannot understand why everyone else in the hall isn't pointing and laughing and jotting down their exact conversation for future reference. Long story short, Finn feels... something I don't care about, because it's not his goddamned ass that's knocked up, for Christ's sake, and he completely blows it by announcing that Quinn leaves much to be desired as far as girlfriends go, whereas Rachel actually cares about his bullshit, or something like that. Instead of shoving a protractor so far up his nose that it pierces his brain and kills him dead, Quinn basically threatens to castrate him should he ever cheat on her with that thing, and then she flounces off to the music room where...

...all their concerns magically melt away as they join the other ten members of the Glee Club in an impromptu jam session centered around Nelly's "Ride Wit Me." I've been told this number was inspired by the cast's actual impromptu jam sessions on the set, and while that's all very lovely, I'm sure, I frigging hate Nelly, so to hell with this. And when it's over, The Sylvester Seven head off to the improbable dance studio that is, apparently, an actual part of the school, briefly crossing paths with the just-arriving Mr. Schue, and then we're into Will's much-delayed initial Sectionals rehearsal with the five remaining club members: Finn, Rachel, Quinn, Britney, and My Glorious Husband, who's had depressingly little to do thus far this episode. Rachel hesitantly voices her objection to the way the club's been divided up, but Will blows right past her concerns to pass out the sheet music, and it's a song called "No Air" by someone named Jordin Sparks, and it says here that she was born in 1989, so she can't possibly have anything interesting to say, lyrically speaking, and... wait a minute. She was on American Idol? And this was a duet she did with Chris Brown? Oh, hell no. Fuck this shit. Next!

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Glee

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